Yesterday’s Sangria

My search for clarity has taken me to lots of confusing places. This break-up for one thing is the most confusing of them all. I am confused because for the first time ever, I feel emotionless. I understand that there is a lot going on in my mind and I know that I am feeling so much but at the same time I can’t pinpoint any of it. It seems as if I am simultaneously feeling everything and nothing. How can I assess what I do not understand? How do I move forward if I don’t know where I am?

I am going to try and break down what I’m feeling…

I know this is the right thing, and our relationship was going this way for a long time. Having a great support system is important, however some journeys need to be taken alone. You are the only one who can get yourself from point A to B. It’s on you. This is the biggest thing I have taken from my relationship and breakup. Life is not a fairy-tale, it’s not sunshine and rainbows 24/7. It is really hard sometimes; I still can’t understand why the very best people seem to be dealt the worst cards. But I’ve learnt that you can save yourself if you really want to. I’ve searched far and wide for my hero. The person who was going to save me, support me, motivate me and push me. Then I realised that it doesn’t matter, because even I find someone who is willing to do all of this for me, it will always be down to me in the end. I determine how hard I work, how much I save, the risks I take. I determine my own future, and I decide where I am going.
And most importantly, it’s not up to me to be that person for someone. Years of trying to be the motivation for another person has left me disappointed. Disappointed that I couldn’t be the hero, the salvation. But now I understand that even if I was to see all the change and the motivation that I was vying for, it would have been nothing to do with me.
You are your own hero.

I feel empty, like there is big hole in my life. We were so together that now it feels like something is missing. I got used to a certain way of living and now I find myself having to readjust. I am learning to navigate through life solo again and it is a strange feeling. It is funny how quickly we form new habits and how hard it is to break them. The feeling of emptiness comes more from the fact that I think I found my person and can’t see anybody else wanting me or anybody fitting with me as well. Are genuinely kind people relatively easy to find? Because in the whole of my search, I’ve only found one – I am only 26 though…

I feel excited by the prospect of not knowing. I have no idea where my life is going to take me and as scary as that it, it’s also exciting. There is nothing holding me back other than myself. I can focus entirely on myself and keep striding to get myself to a position where I am comfortable and confident. I can continue saving up a for a flat of my own, I can take my dream trip (to Senegal, it’s almost booked!), I can start learning to drive, I can apply for jobs abroad, I can make new friends – the possibilities are endless. These are a only a few of the things I want to accomplish, being on my own means I can go for anything.

I have experienced a loving relationship and for that I am grateful. No matter the issues we had, I always felt loved, valued and respected which is important. It has set the bar high for future relationships because I know now more than ever that I am a queen and deserved to be treated like one. I am not going through life relationship blind anymore; I know what I expect from a partner because I know what I am bringing to the table. I have learnt that depending on the relationship, I have potential to be an amazing girlfriend. I have discovered sides of myself that are completely new to me. I am a sociable girl who likes a party every now and then, but I am way more of a home-body than I thought. My idea of a date night is staying in with a home cooked meal, a bottle of white wine and a good film or binge worthy series. I have found that I am very much a nurturer who will always go out of my way in my relationship. I have also found that if left to my own devices that I can be quite lazy and will always opt for the easiest option!

So how do you get over a breakup?


Give yourself time – dramatic life changes can often leave us feeling confused and unsure of ourselves. You don’t need to immediately have everything figured out, there is no rush. Carrying on living your life the best way you can and eventually the answers will come to you. Situations such as this have a habit of unpacking themselves when you leave them alone for a little while.
Be grateful for what you had – Although it didn’t work out, I got the opportunity to really get to know the most wonderful human being. (Obviously this depends on what you had. If you come out of a bad relationship where you weren’t being treated right, be grateful that you made it out of it)
Have a support system – I often talk about the sisterhood, a group of amazing women that I am lucky enough to call friends. I know that I can call on any of them at any time if I need talk.
Limit contact – this is the one I’ve been struggling with because I am so used talking to the same person almost every day. Depending on the circumstances sometimes a clean break is necessary, however if the breakup was amicable, I don’t think you need to completely cut each other off. It still okay to chat from time to time but be honest with yourself. If it hurts too much to stay in contact or you find yourself falling back into a relationship pattern – a clean break may be what you need.
Be single! – Do things that you couldn’t or just didn’t do with your ex. Go place they wouldn’t, eat things they hated. It solidifies the fact that you’re on your own living life strictly by your own terms. Reconnect with friends, I found there were a few friendships that I wasn’t paying enough attention to. Or just areas of my life that I neglected slightly – now is the time to make it right.
Date again – only when you’re ready, there is absolutely no rush! Give yourself time to heal and get to know yourself again before you delve into the dating world. Remember that dating doesn’t always have to be serious, sometimes it can be just about having fun and meeting new people.

Breakups are one of the toughest emotional experiences to go through. There is no right way to deal with it, and there is no telling how long the heartbreak will last. Like everything else in life, it will pass. I repeat what I said on day one of this Stay Bliss journey…

“Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise again.”

Stay Bliss, Laura

Know when to say no

Sticking to your guns can be incredibly difficult. Especially when all the signs point to something you don’t want to do. When you find yourself in a difficult situation it can be so tempting to take an unattractive way out. To settle because anything seems better than what you have got.

I recently found myself in this predicament. I am currently pursuing a career in marketing and unrelated job popped up. A job I can definitely do and am pretty much doing. A massive step up in the wrong direction. Something weird happened though. I said no and was steadfast in my decision. I had one of those hard conversations with myself.

No more.

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No more doing things I don’t want to do just because. How will I ever find the perfect opportunity if I’m always second guessing myself and running towards whatever is just merely available. It is time for me to get serious about my life and career and ONLY go for jobs I’m passionate about.

This was a massive step for me as I am normally plagued with confusion and self-doubt. It doesn’t help that I’m barely making ends meet, living paycheck to paycheck but I’m proud. I’m proud that I went with my gut and kept the promise I made to myself.

One lesson I’ve learnt through these posts is that things WILL change for the better, they always have. There always comes a point when you question your movement. Will I ever move forward and out this? When you feel this way rewatch the movie of your life. Identify the many times where you felt this way but you overcame. Let that encourage you to keep pushing on even when it seems hopeless.

Learning when to say no can also be applied to the rest of my life. It is important lesson that I had to learn. Not everything that glitters is gold and if you are unhappy about something you have the right to say something. You have the right to say no more.

You control your situations and you control the energy you allow to be around you. You don’t have to settle because ‘this is the best it’s going to be.’ Who says?!

Whether it’d be about your career, friendships, relationships, you get to decide what you will and won’t be a part of.relax

Pursuing your dreams is difficult especially when it seems that you are getting used to the feeling of being knocked down. Not settling is difficult because regardless of how passionate you are your responsibilities will still be there.

When I start feeling down about my life and feel as if I’ve been in the same position forever I look back at posts like these. Having a visual reminder of exactly how far I’ve come is so inspiring. I wrote my first post when I was unemployed person who stayed in her pyjamas all day.

Things have changed so much in a wonderful way. I will never be the girl who lucks into the perfect life or perfect job. That’s okay. It’s just going to take a lot of hard work and self motivation. All work that I’m a more than willing to do for myself, after all.. I’m worth it!

And 3 months after saying know and writing this post the incredible happened. I was offered a great job that puts me on the right ladder for me. I happy, proud of myself and so nervous! Re-reading this has been incredible, I knew what my gut was saying, stuck to it and it paid of in a big way. Moments like this reaffirm the faith I have in myself and the journey I am.

The mantra I live by is ‘trust the journey.’ It is long, confusing and has many highs and lows. However when you have work hard, believe in yourself and try your best to bew a good persons – good things will follow. journey

The journey is going to get good 🙂

Stay Bliss, Laura (communications assistant 😉

I will be posting everyday for a week w/c 8th october! Saty tuned 🙂

2 0 1 7

This year has been an eventful one. So much has happened. As I sat and reflected I realised there are so many things I have learnt that I need to take into the new year.

Grab a tea and a snack – this is going to be a long one!

No rushing, no skipping

The biggest thing I’ve learnt this year is that life can’t be rushed. There are so many times this year that I wished to skip to the good part. The part where I’m making good money. The part where I had finally left the nest. The part where I was in a happy, healthy relationship.

All things take time. And now looking at it from the other-side, there were things I had to go through in order to get to this point. I had to go through my really low period. The point where I spent everyday in bed thinking nothing was ever going to change. This very low point of my life was actually beneficial to me in more ways than one.

  • It inspired a great friendship. One of my closest friends found herself in a similar situation. This meant we became really close and most of our unemployed days were spent together. zi and iWe did many different things to keep our mind off our current problems and to keep the hope alive. It’s crazy because when we look back at those days, it’s amazing how far we have come. I truly don’t think I would have had any upbeat moments if it wasn’t for her. 
  • It made me seek help in making myself employable. I often talk about the 2 week employability boot campboot camp that completely change my outlook on life. In these 2 weeks I went from being a victim that blamed everyone else for my circumstances to someone who was beginning to think – maybe it’s me? This is when I decided that I was having trouble finding employment so the apprenticeship route was my best chance. Future LDN (the people who ran the course) taught me lots of practical things that I still use to this day. 
  • It made me set realistic goals for myself. Maybe applying for marketing manager positions wasn’t what I should have been aiming for at that time. It would be less deflating to set achievable goals and build up to that dream position. That’s what I did. I’m still very much on my way, but 1 step at a time.

You just can’t skip over the sucky parts and I’m glad. How will I know when things are amazing if nothing ever sucks. This is something I have to be sure to bare in mind as life goes on. It really is a roller-coaster, I can handle when it sucks because I know sooner or later it’ll turn amazing again. When I actually work hard and build towards something, it will happen when it is meant to. 

Friendships

Friendships are so important. The older I have gotten the smaller and tighter my circle has become. Back when I was younger the ‘cool’ thing was to have as many friends as possible. The bigger your circle equalled how popular you were, you were the social butterfly that all cliques welcomed.

Things have changed so much since then, now there is more emphasis on solid friendships that can stand the test of time.

Over time I have had to get rid toxic friendships but for the most part I am very fortunate to have friends that remain. My best friends are the most positive, talented, aware, beautiful and ambitious people. You can tell who are your actual friends when going through a bad patch. It is easy to be there for someone who is on top of the world. The people who are there to pick you up when you are down and out, who sit with you while you cry, who you lean on for financial support when you are struggling are the ones you can always rely on.

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Christmas ’16 with my sisters ❤

As important as it is to have good friends in your life, it’s equally as important to be a good friend. Just because they will always be there for you don’t take advantage. It is not okay to make them an afterthought. If you have a busy schedule, you HAVE to make sure that they are part of it and given as much time as everything else.

Letting go of my ego is something that I have not mastered but I’m learning to do. One of my best friends messaged me a while ago quite upset because she thought I was leaving her out. Although I had my reasons, I could see why she felt this way as I would have felt the exact same. I called her up immediately, explained why I was acting the way I was and apologised profusely. I had to let her vent her frustrations to me and apologise as much as I could. I thought nothing of doing this, the friendship is way to important to me to let my pride get in the way. In the end she was grateful for the call and apology and I was just happy that everything was easily resolved. I tell this story because so many times we let silly things mess up our friendships. Things that are minor in the grand scheme of things. I also tell this story to demonstrate that just like all the other ships, friendships take work. Work mending any fences that have been damaged, and work making sure to make time for everyone. Having a sisterhood as tight as mine is totally worth all the effort!

Family

I haven’t learnt much about family this year that I didn’t already know. The only new thing for me is learning to live independently.The need for balance becomes more and more vital. I have never met anyone who balances life perfectly, I don’t think that person exists. However you can tell by the different ways people juggle, where their priorities are.

My parents are my backbone and my biggest supporters.

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25th birthday meal with my beautiful family

Moving out has put a slight strain on our relationship because things aren’t as organic anymore. I have never  been in the position where I had to make an effort to see my parents because I was either at university or living at home.

Now I have to set aside quality time with them. No one likes to feel neglected or like second best. I definitely don’t. 

2018 will be about spending quality time with them and demonstrating why me moving out is a great thing. In theory space is the best way to remember all the good things about someone. In practice you need to make sure that the ‘space’ you are taking is only for a minute and not a decade.  

Work

I have been quite deflated at work recently. I am not enjoying my job the same way I used to and have experienced a many financial hiccups. It doesn’t help that I constantly compare myself to other people who have achieved more by a younger age and come down hard on myself for where I am. This isn’t a competition, there is plenty of time to achieve what I want.

Taking the time to save money and plan my next steps is NOT settling. There is no need to jump into something I am not ready for yet. Money is a necessity for most things so taking the time to make sure you are in a decent financial position before jumping into the next venture is not a bad idea.

The biggest thing I need to remember going forward is not to get comfortable. I am by nature a lazy person, who loves stability and knowing exactly what’s going to happen next. Sometimes this is a great way if thinking, but other times this can really hold me back. I second guess every new move, and think critically about every way it effect life as I know. Knowing change is a good thing and actually being accepting of change is not the same thing. 

Change is great, staying the same is impossible. I must learn to seek change and accept it when it comes. 

 

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Team Christmas dinner ’17

Grudges

Letting go of grudges is a difficult one. I am not the most stubborn girl in the world but when I know I am right and you were way wrong, my automatic instinct is to separate myself from you. This is hard one because I don’t want to hold on to unnecessary negative feelings. It’s like dragging around dead weight. 

However I do acknowledge that this behaviour is not beneficial for anybody. Communication is key and in some ways I feel that distancing myself can be quite unfair. How can issues be resolved when the other party are not even aware there is an issue?

I am drawing a blank on this one. I had no actual solution to how to get over these feelings. Grudges come from a place of deep hurt and rage, tied up in 101 reasons of why.

There is one difficult conversation I must have before I know how I feel in the issue. Sometimes you find the answer by actively seeking it. Hopefully this is one of those times. 

People

No matter what positive effect you think you have on someone, you can not change them. Change comes from within, and it comes from a deep wanting of change. As I have said before – I am no-one’s mother. If you are having a problem, it is your duty to resolve it. In the past I have driven myself insane trying to change people. Trying to inspire them to do better and be better. I failed sometimes because this is not my job. Where I have succeeded was ultimately not my doing. People change because they want to. All the massive changes I have made to myself are because I wanted to.

The only life I have control over is mine. I decide whats next for me. My physical and emotional health is my main priority.

That’s not to say there is no room in my heart for anyone else. I can still be a good, positive person by jodie and mehelping where I can. I can continue to encourage, advise and support the people around me. The decisions that they make comes from them. 

 I have also learnt not to allow anyone to hold me back. And to not be held back by myself. When you are at the end of your days and you look back on all the choices you have made, the worst thing will be not pursuing what you wanted to because of someone else. The people in your life should be encouraging you to go after all your dreams.  

 You hear of people giving up on their ambitions to accommodate someone else without the person even knowing! Have faith, and trust in your loved ones. They are there to help you get over your fears. They are there to scream over that voice in your head saying ‘you can’t do it.’ 

 Most importantly be the hero to your own story. Encouragement from others is great, but how much does it mean if you don’t believe in yourself. Be your own cheerleader and biggest fan. The only thing holding you back is your own imagination! 2018 can be an amazing year if you want it to be. Will it be perfect? No. Nothing is. But it can be a year filled with more highs than lows if you want it to be. If you work hard for it to be.   

Quitting your job and moving to the other side of the world isn’t as easy as people make out it is. However if it’s what you want it can be done. Tomorrow you may decide that you want to be a doctor. Yes it’s takes years of studying and super hard work. However the decision to do it is that easy. As long as you are prepared to follow through. 

As for me

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Photo Credit – Alisha Dandy http://instagram.com/alishadandy

this year overall has been a good one. However I do get complacent easily. I need to take my own advise and make that next bold move. I have an idea of where I want to go, now for the following through..

So goodbye 2017, bring on the Christmas dinners, gallons of mulled wine and epic NYE celebrations.  

2018 I’m ready for ya 😉 

Also a big shout to Ineffabless UK for this beautiful silver bangle they sent me!


Click the picture which will link you to this bracelet. If you want to have a deeper look at their website – http://www.ineffabless.co.uk. Everything is affordable and so pretty!

Stay Bliss, Laura

 

 

Clear skies ahead

I have known since July that I wanted to write a post dedicated to Happiness.

But how to say what I want to say? What are my thoughts on happiness? Am I even happy?

Recently my life has been full of new and exciting changes. If you have read my other post you would know that there is 3 things that I wanted. 3 things that I was convinced would bring me to happiness. A new home, a love life and a shiny new job. This perfect trio would bring me all the joy in the world. These three things would make this adulting thing actually okay and maybe even slightly enjoyable.

So why aren’t I jumping and screaming about this so-called new-found happiness? Why am I not over the moon? Why doesn’t my mood reflect all these amazing changes?img_6606

There are times where it has. I have taken a few moments throughout these past months to look at what I have achieved and actually be proud of myself. I think to myself ‘this is the feeling I want to write about.’ However this feeling doesn’t stay. A couple of days later I feel myself being climbing down and wondering what happened.

Maybe happiness doesn’t stay because we push it away. Not letting yourself just be happy and in the moment is way of self-sabotage. We are so used to having problems that we almost can’t handle not having any.

You can have everything in the world and still not be happy. Recently I have been pretty down in the dumps, which is unsurprising  for this time of month. I have been in a ‘stop the world, I want to get off’ kind of mood.

When good things happen just ACCEPT that a good thing has happened.

Life can be so tough sometimes, and at one point or another you will go through a rough patch. When going through a tough time I focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. A time that won’t be so hard. The storm finally being over and the clear skies that are now finally visible.

No more sitting idly by. And no more creating a storm where there is none.

Happiness is an inside job, something that won’t always click into place on its own. When it doesn’t you have to work at it. I have the power to do so I will create my own clear skies. See through that Laura-made tunnel.

There have been so many times when I have felt genuinely happy but fought that weird, unfamiliar, warm  feeling off.

I CAN’T BE HAPPY. THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF PROBLEM I CAN FOCUS ON.

The truth there is that things aren’t perfect. There’s a lot of challenges I need to overcome and things I have to work through. However at the moment life is good. I worked long and hard, and almost gave up several times but I got what I’ve always wanted.

Independence.

Independence can be quite lonely sometimes but this shouldn’t be confused with being unhappy. wineI am on my own now because I choose to be. I am finally self-sufficient and am enjoying taking care of myself. When I have a bad day, going back to my empty room can make me feel worse. My mind plays tricks on me and convinces me that I am unhappy because I am alone.

Focusing on the important things is what I have taken away from the experience. Figuring out what is real and what is not. When I feel lonely there are people I can call and places I can go. Rather than sit and dwell on all the things I have to be sad about, I can stand and think about all the things that I have achieved. I can work on a new plan for things I am yet to achieve.

The biggest things I have taken from this confusing sad/happy period of time is that sometimes it is up to me actively change the way I feel.

Create your own clear skies.

Stay Bliss, Laura

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Photo Credit – Alisha Dandy http://instagram.com/alishadandy

I shall be doing the October challenge where I will be posting everyday for a month! I haven’t posted in a while so I am a bit rusty which makes this even more of a fun challenge 🙂 Keep your eyes peeled!

 

Trust the Journey

I am afraid that I will waste my life due to the bad decisions I made when I was younger. I fear that I will never know true passion for a job like others do. I am not perfect and cannot give everything 100% at all times. I don’t want to spend my time trying to be an adult and trying super hard to be good at what I do to have the small mistakes stack up against me. I fear that I am not always thinking important things through. Am I running with what my heart is telling me rather than listening to the logic and reason of my mind. Maybe my biggest dreams and goals won’t come true because I am not taking the correct risks. What are the right risks? Is there even such a thing as bad risks? I am afraid that I will never know what it is like to have someone be in love with me. Will always be ‘one of the gs’ Laura? Is that image I have in my head of me super happy and succesful just a fantasy? Is the reality a lot dimmer than that.

Trust the journey.

I obsess about everything. I over think everything.  Today more than any other day I have been really in my head. Stressing about the big changes I have decided to make and trying to figure out if these risks are going be worth. You learn a lot from failure but nobody WANTS to fail. I want the decision to move out to be a succesful one. I want the decision to go for a new job which is way above my level to be a succesful one.

I have been sat at my desk all day with a thousands thoughts flying through my head, almost to the point of tears. What if I don’t get the job? What do I do then? Is moving out a good idea right now? Also I have been beating myself up because have I a really gone out of my way to prove why this job should be mine?

Then I looked up. ttj2

I immediately calmed down and remembered why this is my mantra. Opportunities come everyday. A no does not always mean never. If I have made mistakes and failed to prove why I am the best then that’s a lesson for me. Meanwhile ‘no’ does not equal the end. Life does not wrap itself up once you don’t get something you want.

It carries on with it’s journey and shows you why things have to happen the way they happened. All you can do is try your absolute hardest and trust. Trust that the job you want will happen for you when you put the work. Trust that one day you will find love the same way everybody else has. Trust that the risks you take will pay off in a big way or teach you a valuable lesson.

Honestly I don’t know if taking the big step to move out of my parents house is the right thing to do right now. It might all blow up in my face and within a couple months I am back in my old room with a brusied ego, licking my wounds. Maybe it will work and this is it for me. A start of a new journey into adulthood. Either way I am doing because I believe I will regret more the things that I don’t even try.

I am doing it because I am trusting the journey.

I have tried to write this post a dozen times over the last few months but failed to properly communicate the meaning of this saying to me. Writing a list of the things I fear the most is the only way tpo describe it. These are the things I have to work as hard as I can at and then leave it to the universe.

I trust my heart and am guided by my reason. Whatever will be will be.

Stay Bliss,

Laura

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There ain’t no party like a pity party

‘There ain’t no party like a pity party’

..well this pity party has come to a much-anticipated end.

This last month has been a pretty rough one and I still can not put my finger on what was actually wrong.

What I can understand from it all, is that there was so much going on at the same shitty time. My work life, personal life and body all came to ahead and I was neck-high in a sea of emotions. The best way to describe is to say that I was drowning. Drowning in my negative thoughts and drowning in my immense workload. I was 100% focused on the negative, as I was only committed to thinking about how terrible I felt and how nothing would make me ever feel better.

This got me thinking about the different practical ways we get over a bad stint. It is impossible for us to be happy 100% of the times and entirely natural to go through prolonged moments of sadness. We all develop different ways of lifting ourselves out of these stress caves. It has been super interesting hearing different people’s’ tips and tricks for how they manage these.

One of the most popular suggestions was music.

 

Music is such a brilliant escape and has the power to really make you view your current situation in a better light. Some artists are born with the immense gift of getting others to feel what they feel. They somehow get you  to connect with them speaking to your heart as well as your soul. It can transport you to a different time of your life and give you the ability to look at your life through the artist’s lens.

I know for me personally music has always been the way I escape the stresses of the day. As soon as I get home from work its hair up and headphones on. I have an hour or two where I completely let myself go through the music that reflects my mood. I have to many cringey moments where somewhere has walked in on my dancing around like a  drunk butterfly and (trying to) hit the high-notes of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs ‘Gold Lion’ – well, not very well! But I get over it because it does me a load of good and by the time I’m ready to take off my headphones I am in a much better place.

Another of the opinions I received was to have a reliable support system. I found myself in such a state that I forgot I could ask for help. I forgot that my friends and family have been there too. No two situations are the same but you truly realise how much your loved ones can relate to your struggle and that can be the key to you overcoming it. For example, my mother has worked in the NHS for 25 years. I often make the mistake of still seeing her as the authoritative figure in my life that still will tell me off for misbehaving. But as I grow into an adult our relationship has shifted slighty as she becomes more of a friend. After weeks of avoiding the subject of work for fear of being told to ‘stop misbehaving’ I finally cracked and told her everything. I told her that I was struggling with my workload and how mad at myself I was for feeling this way as this was all I ever wanted. What never occurred to me is that she’s actually the BEST person to ask anything about the NHS to. Well she of course gave me sound advice – ‘don’t worry, you’re a very new junior member of staff, you’re not accountable for any major mistakes you may make.’ After this I opened up to my girls, they also completely understood and some were struggling with their work to.

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The lesson I learnt from this is that I am not alone. There are so many people who are going similar struggles or have already been through them and have many wise words as to how they did.

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The most practical response I received was from a friend who keeps a CBT diary. From my understanding this is a form of cognitive therapy. The idea of it is to effect self-change by taking steps to change your process of thinking. You can read about it here.

It is honestly something I have never tried in this way, but I can do a great deal of help. You evaluate every situation deciding how you felt at the time and how you felt about your reaction. You can then use this as a tool for self-improvement. You can change they way you react in a similar situation the next time round and then evaluate whether the improvements made you and the outcome better.

Getting everyone’s opinions on how they pull themselves out of a bad funk was certainly insightful. Now having got through it and seeing things a bit more clearly the key thing I’ve learnt is that it’s okay to not be okay. More often than not you convince yourself that you’re being weird and dramatic and no one has time for you. When you push through this and swallow your pride and ask for help you wonder why you didn’t just do this to begin with. Realising that people not only relate to your struggle but can help you in ways they were once help is taking a proactive step to getting yourself better. In terms of your mental health the solution isn’t so simple. It becomes less about pulling yourself out of a funk and more about asking for professional help.

thinkingMy first thoughts on my very first post were ‘it’s always darkest before the dawn.’ As silly and cliché as this sounds, it is very true. I still am struggling but I am happier for taking the time to talk to people and write this as I work my way through it.

And I wish the same for you. I hope you are happy. I hope you are working through your struggles and doing everything it takes to make yourself happy. No one is above help and sometimes you can be happily surprised at the advice and support you may get.

Stay Bliss, Laura

 

Down in the Dumps

Lately I’ve been pretty down and I am having trouble pin-pointing why. I’ve been putting it down to hormones but I’m not 100% sure that this is what it is.

It may be the grass is always greener philosophy. Lately it has been my belief that my life is incomplete. It has been missing a few pieces that I will work hard on gathering and putting together. The biggest missing piece when I started this blog was my career. I was unemployed – no money or motive and this is what I needed for my life to begin. Another peice was my independence and freedom, I need my own place to live in order for my life to begin. Yet another is love, I need love in my life in order for my life to begin.

There’s a common reoccurrence here. One that may be the reason for my bad mood lately.

I seem to be always waiting for something to come and change my life. I’m hoping one of these things will remove these feelings of emptiness and loneliness. So far no luck.

I tend to force myself into facing my issue by vocalising it. Most of the time we believe we can’t place the issue because we are not ready to own up to it..

I spoke about not wanting to write a post until the issue I’m facing comes to its natural conclusion. I need to have that ‘aah this how I’m going to deal with it’ moment. Until then I wait it out. I ride the choppy waves and try my best to see the good and be the good in everything. This time I thought I would try something new.

I am by no means past these feelings and maybe it is because I am not ready to be. There is a lesson that can be taken from every situation, I believe it won’t end until you do. I am just left to ponder. Ponder what is that I am trying to grasp at. I’ve given myself a lot of different options as to what this can be down to. Is it down to me feeling not as close to family or friends? Is it down my work life not being a lot harder than I could ever imagine? Is it down to misplaced feelings of love? Or is what I originally I suspected, my monthly treat taking me on whirlwind ride through all the human emotions known to man.. better yet, woman? fake

I know for certain my family and friends don’t play any part in this. I feel as close to them now as ever did. It is true though, work is getting tough and I am not used to this amount of pressure. Progression and promotion became my two most important things when I started working for the NHS. I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen people who were vocal about where the wanted to be and put the hard work behind it and have now shot up the ladder. I’ve also seen the people who were either content or just waiting for opportunities to manifest for them – they are still where they have been for years. I guess this worries me, what kind of person am I? I would like to be the first one but am I vocal enough and does my work back this up?

Misplaced love? Could be.

I don’t think I can blame my cycle for this one. Yes my feelings intensify around this time but these are feelings that have always been there.

So there you have it. A post full of questions and doubts. I often talk about the need to be positive and see every situation in a positive light. This I still very much believe. However you need time to self-analyse. Where you don’t look at things under any kind of light. You just look at it how it is. Almost like looking at all the puzzle pieces for a while before you attempt to put it together.

I think the lesson I have gathered from my feelings at the moment is that self-reflection is important. Plastering a massive smile on your face and acting as if everything is okay is not always the solution. Admit it. I’m not okay. And that’s okay!

Happiness is an inside job and that it is! I think from now on I’m going to strip myself down and see myself without all the stuff I need that will ‘make life begin.’ My life begun 24 years ago, I am in the midst of it.

No more waiting and anticipating for what it is that will finally make me happy. I need to do that myself. Without the money, the house, the family, the friends, the partner. Me and only me.

As Ru Paul says – ‘If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you guna love somebody else?!’ Can I get an amen?down

Stay Bliss, Laura

Perspectives on a birthday

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Stay Bliss turn 1 🙂

As I approach the 1 year birthday of my baby which has been stay bliss, I’ve reflected on my past posts which sum up the lessons I have learnt throughout the year. To say I am a different person now would be a slight exaggeration, however I do feel that I’ve grown and matured throughout this time.
One thing I noticed I tend to forget sometimes is my personal life. The focus for me since this time last year was finding a career. As happy as I am about my current position, I realise that you can’t limit your focus. I cannot stress enough how happy I am with the place I am in terms of my career. For the first time in a long time I have a purpose. I have a fixed goal that I am working towards and am totally enjoying the journey. However as I reflect, I have urged myself to dig deeper. After all, having a career isn’t everything! I can’t put everything into building a life as a professional woman whilst neglecting other things that should matter just as much.

The biggest thing I have neglected is my family life. I plague my own life with issues that at the time feel like the end of the world. Sometimes I’m so concerned with it all that I forget to just be. 2017 for me is about rectifying this. It’s about spending quality time with my family who have been nothing but patient and supportive whilst I attempt to sort my life out. The great thing about family is there essentially stuck with you! You only get a couple of parents, sisters & brothers and a few cool cousins, uncles & aunts to call your own. I know it doesn’t matter how long I stray, as long as I find my way home. Staying bliss this year means to return home. If that is not an option for you, it may mean building a new one. Identifying the issue is step 1, resolving it is the much-needed step 2.

After a conversation with my girls about themes and suggestions for this post, I got the chance to listen as they reflected on their year and the lessons they took from it. One word came up time and time again – Perspective.

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Perspective – a paticular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view

As young teenage girls and boys we become so self-critical of ourselves. Critiquing is not always a bad thing. The criticism (both positive and negative) we give ourselves and we receive from our peers helps learn and develop. However sometimes we take this to far. A sentiment my friends definitely share. What starts as self-motivation turns into, ‘I am fat’ ‘I am ugly’ ‘I am boring’ ‘I’m never going to make it in life’ ‘I will always be where  am’.

In order to move forward and be happy with your life there needs to be a shift in viewpoint. As we grow up we begin to understand how hard life can actually be.stay-bliss-1-yr With this knowledge you can look at your life, your age and your achievements objectively and allowing yourself to be happy about what you have. Maybe even throw some positive criticism your way.

The point my girls were trying to get across to me about the lessons they have learnt this year is ‘everything takes time.’ We are similar ages and interested in similar things. We have the same major goals such as job stability, living independently, learning to drive, travelling the world etc. We could certainly be envious of each other, as everyone has reached one or more of these goals in some capacity. It is easy to be hateful and jealous of people who are achieving. We choose instead to support each other, celebrate with each other and use one another as inspirations. Deep down we all know that with hard work, motivation and a good support network, we will be checking these goals of our lists in no time. For the mean time we will stay calm, and not fill our mind with trivial comments. Everything takes time.

I also spoke to people who have spent the last couple of years adjusting to London life. The question of what they have learnt and decisions they have come to, came from different perspectives as well. img_1369Despite the different outcomes and the realisation that London is an unforgiving place, I see what a difference it makes looking at the world through blissfully tinted glasses. I met someone who has made her very best friends in London because  in her words some people are destined to be friends due to being ‘bonded by circumstance.’ To me this is a perfect example of taking the bad and making good. Not by dismissing it, or trying to change something negative that happened into a good thing. Instead by using it as fuel and not letting it stop you achieving. Everyone struggles but that is what bonds us. This is what makes you feel less alone and able to strive towards a goal hand in hand with your people.

My good friend who was the subject of my ‘saying goodbye’ post, had a completely different experience of london. He spoke about the city leaving him feeling invisible but also feeling pressured to be confident. The two years he spent in London forced him to change his outlook on life.
“There comes a moment, a short second, where everything you once saw or believed is shaken. Your attention is pulled into focus and you’re forced to stare life directly in the face with a whole new perspective. img_1351You will find clarity in the strangest places. As easily as the confusion cascaded upon you, it will subside and everything will be quiet. Your friends, family and work mates would have all given you their opinion which is likely to be the classic ‘do whatever’s best for you.’ It’s all true and you know it. Sooner or later though you realise that no viewpoint matters more than your own. Give yourself a break, hold your own as life as treasure regardless of where you find yourself. Take that moment and run with it. It’s always a matter of perspective.”

This has been the most fun and challenging post I’ve had the pleasure to write. Getting the opportunity to get everyone’s take on perspective has been eye-opening. The key thing I have taken away from this topic is that our happiness is paramount. If you find that you are unhappy or unfulfilled with your life for any reason, your viewpoint of the situation is the first place to seek anwsers. Are you looking at the issue objectively? Is it as bad as it seems? Is there a change you can make that will directly impact and begin to resolve these issues? Life is not black and white, believe me I know. But what has helped me overcome trying times is taking a big step back and looking at everything honestly. The anwser is mostly – this can be fixed. With patience, support, white wine and a LOT of hard-work there is a way out of this situation.

We all go through completely different things, and are struggling in some shape or form. The things that differentiate us and keep us moving forward is our perspective. Looking at your life objectively and patting yourself on the back when life calls for it.

I have definitely had a very blissful year! Hopefully this time next year my outlook on life will be very different, exciting! Thank you if you have subscribed, commented, liked or read a post from time to time. Here’s to another great year 🙂

Stay Bliss, Laura

P. S a big thanks to my girls, Morgan, Cameron and Kat for all the help with this post!

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Tryna step my photoshoot game up lmao 😉

Week 8 baby

Hooray for week 8!!!!


If you have read my week 7 and beyond post you will know exactly why this week is such a big deal! Having a new job and staying in employment for 8 whole weeks is such a big deal for me, and the way I finally prove to myself that I am not the failure my mind keeps trying to convince me that I am. 

 

I should be jumping around like a lunatic, celebrating this achievement as I’ve been trying so hard to get here. The problem with reaching the important milestones in your life, is sometimes personal issues means they can get overlooked. 

 

As human beings it is important to remember that not everything will always go to plan. We can be fighting a battle that we are totally ready for and all of a sudden another battle jumps out of nowhere.

 

This is what has happened to me. My festive period hasn’t been so festive as relationships I once valued have come to an end. I notice now more than ever how much one aspect of your life effects the rest. I think this is the biggest battle we all face and the hardest question we ask ourselves. How do we keep our lives balanced? 

 

I genuinely do not know the answer to this as my clarity on the subject changes daily. The biggest thing I’m dealing with right now is figuring out how not to let the negative overshadow the positive. As much as I know the sensible thing to do is ditch all my worries or ‘keep calm and carry on’ as the saying goes – this is easier said than done. 

 

I have decided the way I am going to pull myself through these uncertain times is to make myself a series of promises. Ironically one of the promises is to stick to my promises. 

Another is to make sure no matter what happens in my life – I will make the time to celebrate my achievements. No matter what turmoil I find a has plagued particular aspect of my life, I will not neglect to celebrate my wins in the other.

 

For everything I’ve lost there are always constants that I still have. I still have some amazing friends and family. I also find myself making new friendships which have  brought even more depth to my life. I promise to value these and I promise to make sure the people I love know that I love them. 

 

Most of all I promise to always value myself. I know who I am and am proud of who am I. I have made the biggest effort to make sure I am and remain a genuine and real person and I will let nothing or no one make me doubt that. Happiness is an inside job (as I always say!) which starts with knowing and accepting yourself as you are. 

 

If you don’t even like yourself, who will?  If you don’t give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done, who will? 

 

So I say a big congratulations to me 🙂 I’ve worked extremely hard to get to this point, and promise that this is only the beginning. Onwards and upwards. 

 

Stay Bliss, Laura

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Saying Goodbye

I have been thinking a lot recently about all the different times you find yourself saying goodbye. When you think about moving on to start a new chapter of your life, this is normally due to a end of a relationship, a family move or job move etc. One thing I have never really thought about is saying goodbye to a friend.

A friendship doesn’t tend to have the emotional ups and downs that a romantic relationship might. It’s just a steady flow of love, advice, drinking and venting sessions – give and take. Friendships for me are a constant, something you never worry too much about because it will always be there, as it always has. Friendship to me is the equivalent of the comfiest pillow I own. You never picture that pillow going away.

So alas here we are. As much you wish your friendship alone can solve any problem, mend all heartbreak, and be the cure when there’s no other way, this isn’t life. As we grow and we learn, we realise there is some hard decisions we have to make for ourselves. There are some tough choices that not even our friends can help us make. Sometimes that choice is moving away. 

So to the friend who inspires me. To the friend who’s bravery I’m in awe of. To the friend who life has dealt some tough blows. To the friend that came back swinging every time. To my friend that did the unimaginable. To my friend that now has to go.

Life carries on and changing directions is all part of that. The maturity you have shown in making this decision is just one of the reasons why I love you. There is still plenty of time for you to come back and live your London dream.
I talk a lot about making sure you look after yourself. Your physical and mental wellbeing should be the most important thing. Happiness can sometimes be the most difficult job of all because you are forced to make difficult choices regarding what will truly make you happy. Honesty is easy for most of us until it comes to being honest with yourself. The task of having to accept the ‘this isn’t working’ feeling is daunting. It is daunting because it is so easy to get caught up in that feeling. It is so easy to dwell and depress yourself by rehashing the millions of reasons why this isn’t working. It’s at this point you result to convincing yourself you are failure as your self-worth plummets.

The even trickier thing to do after the acceptance is finding a solution. To sit and wallow about how awful life has become is easy. the real work is in fixing it. So when you have the opportunity to watch someone help themselves, it’s a beautiful thing. Of course you extend your arm of friendship and support. Your presence to them is present enough. The fact that you are willing to help makes them feel less alone. You will sit and chat for hours, empty your purse, traipse around London looking at houses with them.

No. They need to do this alone. They need to fight their own battles and create their own solutions. That’s okay. You understand because you’ve been there too. Now you get to bear witness as they become their own hero. Their life is back on track purely because of the choices that they are now making. This is nothing short of amazing and watching this makes you further your own action plan for your life.

As I’ve said before babe, you amaze me. I’m so proud of you and the choices you are making. Saying goodbye to you is going to be extremely difficult. However I know you have thought this through and this is best decision you could have made. You will always have my love and my time. My arm is forever extended to you if you ever were to need it. Changing your plans doesn’t mean you are failing. You have grown up and matured in ways I never did. The man your have already become is a man I am so privileged to have in my life. I can’t wait to watch you continue to grow and achieve the impossible. You are the most loving, caring, funny and honest guy I know.

I wish you all the best. This is not goodbye, this is a see you soon.
Stay Bliss, Laura
For my dearest Cameron – btw we are partying from now until you leave and that’s a fact!14718759_10155424520809698_7814967859881205219_n

Look to the horizon

So this is just a quick post to say that there’s a lot of new things to come. (Yay!)

I have been absolutely loving this blog, it has fast become my baby and I have been looking for new and exciting ways to develop it. The biggest thing I am in the process of planning is a couple photoshoots with some photographer friends of mine. On every post I try to use a featured image that captures the gist of the message of the post. I thought going forward, it would be a good idea if these images were mine. So be prepared for a lot photos of me looking off into a dreamy landscape or indulging in cup of coffee or even typing away on my laptop.

You don’t need to wait for the new year to have a new start. From the moment I started my new job I decided to reinvent myself. I am going to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do but let fear and procrastination stop me. I want to make some new friends (you can never have to many close friends right?) and also enrol in a couple of college courses. For to long I let the fact that university didn’t go to well for me dictate where I could go in life. I thought ‘I don’t have a degree so I will always be a the bottom.’ FALSE. I can do whatever my mind can concieve as long as I put the work in. So can you.

Photoshoot, creative writing course, photography course etc. I can do and will do it all – not for anyone else, for me.

So here’s to the start of a weird and wonderful ‘stay bliss’ adventure. Maybe one day I’ll meet a partner and add to the happiness I have already established for myself. For today I say I am happy. It took a lot of work, many ups and down but I am.

If you are not there’s no need to worry. Believing in yourself and making yourself happy is the hardest job in the world. However it is the most rewarding and a job that will carry on forever. Allow yourself to wallow for a while, keep holding on and celebrate all your wins. When you reach a moment of happiness, embrace it! Hold on to it and celebrate yourself for letting sunshine into your life. Look to your loved ones for support and look into yourself for the motivation to keep going. Be honest with yourself and hopefully at the very end you can congratulate yourself on a job well done.

I’ve changed domains – staybliss.blog (it’s got a ring to it) 🙂

Stay Bliss, Laura

Week 7 and beyond

Welcome to my 10th blogpost! My how time flies, especially when you are having fun 🙂 When I first started my blog, I decided it was a place for me to share my journey into blissfulness. I hope so far I have been able to encourage anyone that might be reading this. The whole idea is to show that we all have our battles. We all have insecurites and stuggle with feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. We also sometimes make the mistake of thinking our thoughts and troubles do not matter and are not worth sharing. Throughout my posts I have learnt myself that this is untrue. My feelings and yours do matter and are worth sharing. Through these posts I have been able to work out the best way to deal with my issues and continue to stay positive. I hope more than anything your are able to identify with my struggles, and find your own way of dealing with them. Lots of people have said that they can relate to what I’m saying and that made me feel fantastic. I felt less alone and its lovely knowing that I am helping people as much as myself. As I always say happiness is an inside job. Be proud of who you are and strive to maintain your smile.

And on that note..

So this week I started my job and I couldn’t be more thrilled. On a different post I wrote about celebrating your wins and for me this is a big one. There’s a lot going on in my life right now – a lot to moan about if I wanted to. I’m choosing to focus my energy on the successes. My dad slowly starting to recover from a horrible illness he has been battling for a couple months now. And me. Me and my new job. I have been doing a lot of reflecting recently.  I found my mind kept drifting to my past failures and how to not repeat them.

‘Week 7’ just popped in to my head as it was at this point  I was kindly shown the door at my last work place. To say I was devastated about it would be an understatement. I could not figure out if I was more upset that I was let go, or upset at the fact that I genuinely thought I was doing a good job. I cannot explain how low I was feeling at then as I am well past it now but it was horrible!

Obviously I spent a glorious night with friends who tried there best to cheer me up with words of encouragement (& lots tequila shots). The next morning I resolved that my new goal was WEEK 7. It is okay do be down and out but at some point you need to get up, dust yourself off and keep going. Wherever life would take  me next, I’ll try to get to week 7.  No,  I WILL get to week 7.

It is important to set goals and aims for yourself because you can use them to show how far you’ve come. I can look back at all the time I spent doing jobs I hated; at the depressed and lonely days I had;  at constantly feeling like failure and see the amazing turn around I was able to make. I can look back at all this and use achieving a personal goal as a boost.

My week 7 objectives are entirely personal. This isn’t something I’ll boost about on my CV. If you asked me to tell you something about myself l probably won’t mention this. I don’t feel the need to discuss it with my friends or family. This is just for me (well and you also). This is so I can firmly shut the door on all the negative criticism I have given myself recently. I can once again believe in the power of positive thinking and myself.

Of course week 7 isn’t the final goal. Ideally I’d like to finish my apprenticeship and be offered permanent position. I’ll adjust and reevaluate my goals once achieving them. For now I’m going to keep confidently making steps towards week 7 – my Everest!

This is just my way of using something that gets you down, to build you up.  Why let that annoying thing you’ve never been quite able to do get you down? Turn your worst trait, the thing your scared of the most, the hurdles that make you second guess yourself into the best thing about you. Show yourself how capable you are. Change the existing gloomy image you have of yourself to one you are proud of. Being happy with you is the whole idea. The only person you have an obligation to look after and please in this world is you.

Week 7… I’m coming for ya! 😉

Stay Bliss, Laura

Let’s take it back 

After a rough couple of weeks I realise more than ever the importance of positivity. I have had this sinking feeling for the last few weeks that I’m failing. That I could see everything I’ve been wanting and worked so hard for slipping away from me. That even when I’m trying the hardest I ever have it genuinely is just not good enough. I have been putting a smile on face whilst holding back tears and slowing sinking into a pit full to the brim with a bunch of sad things and thoughts.
But this is human. To be down sometimes is to be human. This is a rough patch that I’ve got to get myself through. It is at these times more than any other you have to stop your mind in its tracks. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY. Better than okay even, GREAT.

After a long conversation with a friend it ended with ‘hey don’t worry, tomorrow is guna be good day!’
And that’s the truth. The truth is even allowing yourself to wallow does not allow you time to learn. It’s been days and weeks of ‘I suck’ or ‘I’m shit at this’ and pointless thoughts like these. How is this helping me? How is the making me improve upon the things that I am not doing so well?

Let’s take it back. Back to the point where I started to mess up. Back to the point where there were things I thought I knew, and even got cocky about. I am going to start again, learn everything again and learn it better. Learning a lesson in humility also. We all move at different paces and learn in different ways. I can’t compare myself to others, I am not them and they are not me.
Starting again is not a bad thing and is a very real reality once you start to progress through life. This applies to all things whether it be schooling or working or even in your relationships. Take a breath, close you eyes and start again. Chose to not let this situation overcome you. Overcome it.

At the end of my apprenticeship I predict that I am going to be amazing at my job! 🙂 This is because I am never going to stop trying, I’m not to let criticism keep me down, and I am going to keep starting again until I get it right.
I genuinely don’t know how many people read this. I feel like I check myself with these blogs, especially when I catch myself feeling particularly down or negative. There’s a therapeutic feeling that comes with expressing to myself what I know to be true but sometimes choose to ignore. I can be my own worst critic when I should be my own biggest supporter.
Who knows what the future holds for me? I will never know if I just give up or give in to the sad thoughts. I do know it is not going to be easy, I also predict many more rough days to come. That’s okay though. As long as the end of it you can reflect. Reflect on the highs and lows and see where you need to work even hard.
As long as the end of it you say ‘tomorrow is guna be a good day.’
Here’s the next 10 months of my apprenticeship. I’m ready for ya 😉

Stay Bliss, Laura

1 badly hurt ankle = a batch of red velvet brownies

I’m sat at the pub thinking about how I manage to turn bad situations into positive ones. When life gets on top of you, it’s then when you choose to focus on is the shitty things. For instance, I have a really bad ankle at the moment which is making it hard for me to walk around. Sometimes the pain gets so bad I want to quit my job and stay in bed crying about it all day.

The good? My amazing batch of red velvet brownies that I baked from scratch! They weren’t as red as I would have hoped, and they did not have a cream cheese topping. But man, were they good! So delicious that my dad who is a picky eater, managed to eat 8 🙂
This has nothing to do with my bad ankle but everything to do with perspective. Which one of these things shall I focus on? Which one of these two shall I bang on to my friends about? The ankle or the brownies?

The brownies of course! Not just because I love any and all food, but because this is how I choose to approach life. When you put on a brave face and appreciate and celebrate the things you do have, everything else will fall into place. The ankle or the brownie is how I choose to see my prospects. Unemployment or my amazing friends? My illness or the deep understanding I have of what my health requires? Single and alone or independent and loving it? The good or the bad? This positivity helped me to be where I am today which is an official working gal! If you read my blogs you would know how much I longed for the day to be able to refer to myself a working woman.

THE DAY CAME ON MONDAY AND I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER! I am aware exactly how much I wanted this so I told myself I’d appreciate all of it. The highs and the lows and everything in-between!

So this is a short one today. This is just a question of the bad ankle or the brownies? My personal equivalent to the glass half empty question.

Brownies every time.
Stay Bliss, Laura

Celebrate your wins

This blog is about how to keep only positive vibes around you. How can you do that when you feel negative? How can you stay in your bubble of happiness when there is nothing to feel happy about? How do you see through you storm into brighter days when it’s just way to stormy? This is something I’ve been struggling with recently and it hindered my ability to write a new positive blog post.

However I’ve noticed things are changing because I am changing. My perseverance has paid off for me in a small way. So I am celebrating my small win! That’s how I choose to stay in my positive bubble. That’s how when things get rough for me I celebrate what IS going well 😊

So what has been going well for me I can psychically feel you wondering? My friends who we’ve dubbed ‘the sisterhood’ are they for me always. They sit with me when I want to have a cry and bitch fit (which is more often then I’d care to say.) They also celebrate with me when things are going well, like me landing myself a small part time job! I’m there for them to, it’s massively encouraging how when someone is in need we are able to drop everything and come running.

I also have two amazing mentors who have quickly become people I look up to. We share positive words and they use their industry experience to help me when it comes to looking for work. They always there to give me feedback and advice and have helped me unlock the confidence they knew I had. My search for an apprenticeship benefitted me in ways that I was not expecting and is part of me changing for the better as a person.

My mum and dad who throughout everything, have kept me grounded and every day tell me how amazing and capable I am. The support that they give me that I don’t always say ‘thank you’ for has made me the person I am. The love I have for them is to immense to describe. You are product of your upbringing and this evident in my caring nature that my mum is known for and strength and fighting spirit which is who my dad is.

So that’s how I stay in my bubble and how I’ve been able to write throughout the struggle. I’ve been really low recently but I have picked myself out of my funk by thinking about everything I have going for me. Yes there is so much more I want to achieve but I CAN. Time is my friend and the sky is the limit. My mantra for this site is happiness is an inside job and it really is.

Somebody asked me a few days ago what my one peice of advice to someone about staying bliss would be. I said don’t give up. Things get rough sometimes and it can be hard to see through. But keep going and focus on what you already have. He replied raaaah that’s deep. It’s not really. Celebrate your wins, life can get too tough for them to be overlooked.

Stay Bliss, Laura

 

Holding On

It’s been a while as I have been racking my brain about what to post about next. Why do I always procrastinate when I already know what it is I want to post about?! It’s been hard to find inspiration when all I want to do is give up. That is why I am writing this today.
Holding on and not giving up are choices we make everyday. It can be very daunting when life gets on top of you and the easiest thing to do is to let go. This is why everyday when we wake up and throughout the day we need to constantly make the decision to not give up. Not only does this mean we stay motivated in pursuing our goals but we also stay bliss!

As my first post states I have been looking for a job for a while now. This has been a emotionally draining process as I feel my adult life can’t fully begin until I get a good job. I need the prospect of promotion as well as a steady pay check so I can start to think about moving out. It has been so difficult wanting all of this and trying hard to get it just to have nothing pan out. And some days have been harder than others but I keep telling myself to not give up.

All you need is one break, one chance, one person that believes in you enough to take a chance on you. If you give up and stop believing in yourself there is no way anyone else will. Every single interview I go to, I do slightly better. My feedback is good and keeps improving. Even though I might not be what that particular company are looking for, doesn’t mean I have nothing to offer.

Holding on means knowing your worth, your value. Holding on for me means giving everything my all and having faith in the notion that the perfect opportunity is around the corner. I didn’t get some of the jobs I have applied for because I was not supposed to. I know when I am great fit for a company and they are great fit for me, a job offer will come.

My personal focus is finding work however the idea of holding on applies to everything. Wherever it be not giving up on love, friendships, family etc. Know how important you are and resolve to continually make yourself happy. You will understand what you need and deserve and then make an effort to not give up on it. This is not to say that everyone/thing is worth fighting for. This is why knowing your self-worth is so important. This helps you decipher what is good for you and what isn’t. What you should go for and cling on to and what you should let go.

At the beginning of the post I told you that I was finding it hard to find inspiration. This is because talking about giving up is difficult when things aren’t what I would like them to be. This is why I have to talk about it, because I can reassure myself that I AM trying and to keep going because eventually things will start to go my way.

All in all, keep holding on and never give up because you truly never know what opportunities are around the corner.

Stay Bliss, Laura

Single & Serene

 

patience 3

So ever since last week’s blog post I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next. I don’t know why I was thinking so hard as I’m pretty sure I wanted discuss what it is like to be a young single woman. The reason why I struggled starting this post is because this can be a topic that is hard to honestly discuss. You can a run a real risk of sounding bitter and lonely (eek!). Despite this I will talk about this topic as freely as I can and hopefully someone out there can relate.

Being single can be both the most fun and the most lonely. I guess in a good relationship you are constantly being reassured of how awesome and beautiful you are. Whereas for us singles we are forever battling feelings of inadequacy. This is perfectly okay, it just means that I have to remember to compliment myself!

The fun part of being single is the freedom of it. I can literally go anywhere and hang out with anyone at anytime! It such a laugh to be able to go out with some friends and have no idea where the night will take you. Being young, single and living in London means never knowing what’s in store for you next. I have to admit I do like to party (shocking right) and always without a doubt end up having a deep conversation with a total stranger. It’s a wonderful feeling to live a life completely for myself.

There is on the other hand a lonely side to being single. The most obvious is the physical loneliness – it sounds nice having unlimited access to cuddles, kisses and kind words. And even though a major pro of being single is not having to answer to anyone, it can feel a little unnerving thinking no one out there has any particular interest in where you are or what you are doing. I guess when you make the decision to commit to someone you want that feeling of attachment.
Shallow people make being single a nightmare some times. It is so annoying to be judged and passed over due to your looks before someone even takes the chance to get to even speak to you. Hey, I’m a lovely person,  maybe take 5 minutes to actually get to know me eh?!

Ever since the end of my last relationship (which ended quite amicably) and my move to university I have decided that I was ready. Ready for a brand new relationship with a brand new person.

I had already learnt to be confident within myself, battled with my self-esteem but learnt to love all the things about myself that I previously wanted to change. Flaws and all. Happiness is an inside job and it had taken me some time but I was finally happy with who I am. Working on myself was about making sure my happiness and peace of mind was not attached to what someone else thought of me. I figured if I could come to a place of total self-acceptance, a place of knowing who I am and not worrying about what other people thought, maybe then I could let someone in.

So that was a good few years ago but here I am, STILL SINGLE! It sucks when you get yourself to the game and there’s no play. This is because if you spend so much time fixing yourself and lengthening your shortcomings – you can’t then go and settle. Don’t get me wrong I am not overly picky, neither am I particularly unhappy about being single. I just know what I need to get from a commitment because I know what I intend to bring to it. So there is absolutely no need to rush into something I am not happy with just to save me from being alone. Don’t lower your standards.

Sometimes it can be difficult when you have this plan for yourself that isn’t quite panning out. By the tender age of 23 (which is now!) I was supposed to have finished university with at least a 2:1, have a job, moved out and be one half of a successfully loving relationship. Life right now couldn’t be more opposite to what I intended. I am not down though. It wasn’t exactly the most SMART plan.

SMART goals
SMART Goals

Now I have decided to make a new plan, and give it much more thought. ‘I want to be successful’ is not the most specific plan. I am not rushing into anything. It is more important for me to have a long think and consider what it is I actually want before I go jumping into anything. I have the same mantra for relationships. Relationships can be the most beautiful thing in the world and it is amazing to have a best-friend and lover fused into one. Some people are lucky enough to have already found this. The rest of us just have to wait it. Be open to people and open to making new friends and eventually something great will come along. Be happy with who you are without needing this amazing love to swoop in and complete you.

It has become more and more evident to me as time has passed how much I love my friends. When you have people you can tell everything to you realise you already have everything you need. They give me all the emotional support I need. This is why I have decided it best to let a relationship happen naturally. However constantly having to reassure myself that this is not giving up! As for now I am totally good 🙂 Guy/girls come and go from your life as you have many relationships that slowly help mould you. Despite all this however you will always have your friends. Why run around looking for something else when I have friends like mine.

Stay Bliss, Laura

 

Stay Bliss

So I have considered starting a blog for a long time now but due to not having anything major going on in my life I decided against it. After what has to be a very eventful weekend where I spent most of it consoling a friend over many bottles of red wine I realised it’s okay to be sad and talk about it. And Stay Bliss was born!

Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that is okay to spend ALL of your time miserable and wallowing but it is okay to find yourself in a sucky situation and just exclaim ‘this sucks!’ Take me for example, I pretty much flunked out of university because I spent most nights downing jägerbombs and more wine (surprised?!) rather than studying. Then did a stint of work at WH Smiths which let’s just say wasn’t for me. I found myself so stuck and desperately wanting to commit to a job to change my life.

After many job interviews, signing up for the doll and two-week employability course that encouraged a change of mind-set (negative to positive) I was ready. Ready to change my attitude, ready for a career, ready to seriously think about future. I was more positive than ever, my CV looked great, I was confident and ready to land my dream job.

Life doesn’t happen when you are ready I figured out the hard way. Yes I am ready for a career but no one seems to be ready to hire me. Interview after interview, application after application eventually turned into rejection after rejection. My positivity dwindled as I tried so hard to put a brave face on – ‘yeah I didn’t get that job. Sucks but hopefully I’ll get one soon eh?!” Even though I was being continuously hit with rejection and would not allow myself to feel sad by throwing myself into another interview or job application.

And after the eventful weekend where a close friend had a particularly bad one, I found myself dolling out advice. “It’s okay to be sad and angry.” “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” “This situation really sucks but I know, and you’ll be okay – better than okay.” I was saying anything I could to encourage my friend, to make sure she knew she had my support and she was stronger and bigger than her situation. Of course it didn’t fix it, but it helped her and it helped me knowing I helped in some way. Then I found out the latest apprenticeship I had applied for had decided that they actually had no need for an apprentice. That was it. Last Straw. Breakdown.

“Remember what you said to me, it’s okay to be sad and angry, just don’t let it stop you from trying.” Even though that was probably one of the saddest days I have had in a long time, letting myself feel all of this sadness I had been harbouring was such a liberating feeling. It wasn’t fair. I have been trying so hard to get a job and it isn’t fair that I keep getting rejected. And that’s okay! I told myself how awful that day was and let myself feel angry and upset for every single second it.

That how it goes sometimes. Life sucks and sometimes it will beat you down. But you just have to say okay, I am going to stay down and wallow down here today. However first thing in the morning I’m going to get up and hit right back! I will motivate myself all over again. I am going to remember that I am talented and capable and eventually things will work out. The way the always have and will 🙂

So this is what Stay Bliss will be about. My little nuggets of finding and maintaining happiness and peace of mind. Happiness for me also does equal food so you can expect some foodie posts as well!

I dedicate this, my first post to Annie – it’s always darkest before the dawn.

Stay Bliss, Laura

P.S Bring on my next job interview on Monday!