Stay Bliss turns 3 today and I couldn’t be happier! I have had the most amazing time writing this blog and it is shocking how far I have come since my first post.
My life has changed so much for the better and I believe part of the reason for that is this blog. Being able to write down everything I’m feeling, the good, the bad and the ugly – has been the most therapeutic thing I have ever done. I really do encourage you to find a creative outlet because it helps you work through most things.
For the last few weeks my mind has focused on one topic… when is enough enough?
Even the strongest person who knows to their core who they are, can get caught up in someone else’s life. When you love with all your heart, you take on the triumphs and stresses of another person. Then you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by problems that with hindsight are not really your problem. The selfish part of me, becomes obsessed with being the hero in this story, I so badly want to swoop in and save the day.
So, when is enough enough?
The first thing I need to do is take a big step back. Being overwhelmed with someone’s else stress is comparable to being blasted with blaring music 24/7. It exhausts you, you become so tired and sleep is not making the music stop or go away. You need to step away from the music, close your eyes and rest. Clarity is the best thing for these situations, and taking a step back enables you to make decisions a lot more logically as you are now able to see everything for what it is.
The next thing is to get honest with yourself. Remember who you are, what you stand for and what you need. Is what you currently have making you happy? Are you being supported and constructively challenged? Is this still your happy place? Hopefully with time and clarity these questions become easier to answer. However answering honestly may not produce the answers you desire.
Now you have gathered all this information. Now you have taken a step back and are well rested, weightless. What are your next steps?
This is where my mind draws blank. I need the time away to be able to know this. Nothing is set in stone, you will never know how you are going to feel. Anything can happen, but you will know exactly what you are doing when it does. The time you spend on your own, completely freeing your mind from any and all obligations you are not sure you signed up for will mean that you are ready for the next steps – whatever they may be.
This realisation can be daunting, especially the idea of facing the unknown. This is all I know, how will I cope without it?
Remember who you are and all the amazing things that make you. Look at your support system, you have network of people looking out for you. Look at those dreams your wrote down on a little piece of paper a long time ago. Have you achieved any and if so have you properly celebrated? Have you given it any thought, you are achieving and checking things off your internal checklist!
Most importantly be your own hero. You can go on someone else’s journey with them but you can’t change it. Their journey is theirs, and yours is yours. Focus on yours because if you don’t nobody else will. With time you’ll come to understand whether or not your paths align. In the meantime focus on swooping and saving your day!
This has been the hardest and most personal post I’ve ever written. My goal never is to offend, but to write the hard truths I’ve been avoiding out in black and white. I know now more than ever who am I but I’m not sure if that is who I’ve become. I know that I’m proud of myself for finally succumbing to this realisation. I’m also immensely proud of Stay Bliss. This blog continues to help me through so much and hope is helping someone else out there also.
This year has been an eventful one. So much has happened. As I sat and reflected I realised there are so many things I have learnt that I need to take into the new year.
Grab a tea and a snack – this is going to be a long one!
No rushing, no skipping
The biggest thing I’ve learnt this year is that life can’t be rushed. There are so many times this year that I wished to skip to the good part. The part where I’m making good money. The part where I had finally left the nest. The part where I was in a happy, healthy relationship.
All things take time. And now looking at it from the other-side, there were things I had to go through in order to get to this point. I had to go through my really low period. The point where I spent everyday in bed thinking nothing was ever going to change. This very low point of my life was actually beneficial to me in more ways than one.
It inspired a great friendship. One of my closest friends found herself in a similar situation. This meant we became really close and most of our unemployed days were spent together. We did many different things to keep our mind off our current problems and to keep the hope alive. It’s crazy because when we look back at those days, it’s amazing how far we have come. I truly don’t think I would have had any upbeat moments if it wasn’t for her.
It made me seek help in making myself employable. I often talk about the 2 week employability boot camp that completely change my outlook on life. In these 2 weeks I went from being a victim that blamed everyone else for my circumstances to someone who was beginning to think – maybe it’s me? This is when I decided that I was having trouble finding employment so the apprenticeship route was my best chance. Future LDN (the people who ran the course) taught me lots of practical things that I still use to this day.
It made me set realistic goals for myself. Maybe applying for marketing manager positions wasn’t what I should have been aiming for at that time. It would be less deflating to set achievable goals and build up to that dream position. That’s what I did. I’m still very much on my way, but 1 step at a time.
You just can’t skip over the sucky parts and I’m glad. How will I know when things are amazing if nothing ever sucks. This is something I have to be sure to bare in mind as life goes on. It really is a roller-coaster, I can handle when it sucks because I know sooner or later it’ll turn amazing again. When I actually work hard and build towards something, it will happen when it is meant to.
Friendships are so important. The older I have gotten the smaller and tighter my circle has become. Back when I was younger the ‘cool’ thing was to have as many friends as possible. The bigger your circle equalled how popular you were, you were the social butterfly that all cliques welcomed.
Things have changed so much since then, now there is more emphasis on solid friendships that can stand the test of time.
Over time I have had to get rid toxic friendships but for the most part I am very fortunate to have friends that remain. My best friends are the most positive, talented, aware, beautiful and ambitious people. You can tell who are your actual friends when going through a bad patch. It is easy to be there for someone who is on top of the world. The people who are there to pick you up when you are down and out, who sit with you while you cry, who you lean on for financial support when you are struggling are the ones you can always rely on.
As important as it is to have good friends in your life, it’s equally as important to be a good friend. Just because they will always be there for you don’t take advantage. It is not okay to make them an afterthought. If you have a busy schedule, you HAVE to make sure that they are part of it and given as much time as everything else.
Letting go of my ego is something that I have not mastered but I’m learning to do. One of my best friends messaged me a while ago quite upset because she thought I was leaving her out. Although I had my reasons, I could see why she felt this way as I would have felt the exact same. I called her up immediately, explained why I was acting the way I was and apologised profusely. I had to let her vent her frustrations to me and apologise as much as I could. I thought nothing of doing this, the friendship is way to important to me to let my pride get in the way. In the end she was grateful for the call and apology and I was just happy that everything was easily resolved. I tell this story because so many times we let silly things mess up our friendships. Things that are minor in the grand scheme of things. I also tell this story to demonstrate that just like all the other ships, friendships take work. Work mending any fences that have been damaged, and work making sure to make time for everyone. Having a sisterhood as tight as mine is totally worth all the effort!
I haven’t learnt much about family this year that I didn’t already know. The only new thing for me is learning to live independently.The need for balance becomes more and more vital. I have never met anyone who balances life perfectly, I don’t think that person exists. However you can tell by the different ways people juggle, where their priorities are.
My parents are my backbone and my biggest supporters.
Moving out has put a slight strain on our relationship because things aren’t as organic anymore. I have never been in the position where I had to make an effort to see my parents because I was either at university or living at home.
Now I have to set aside quality time with them. No one likes to feel neglected or like second best. I definitely don’t.
2018 will be about spending quality time with them and demonstrating why me moving out is a great thing. In theory space is the best way to remember all the good things about someone. In practice you need to make sure that the ‘space’ you are taking is only for a minute and not a decade.
I have been quite deflated at work recently. I am not enjoying my job the same way I used to and have experienced a many financial hiccups. It doesn’t help that I constantly compare myself to other people who have achieved more by a younger age and come down hard on myself for where I am. This isn’t a competition, there is plenty of time to achieve what I want.
Taking the time to save money and plan my next steps is NOT settling. There is no need to jump into something I am not ready for yet. Money is a necessity for most things so taking the time to make sure you are in a decent financial position before jumping into the next venture is not a bad idea.
The biggest thing I need to remember going forward is not to get comfortable. I am by nature a lazy person, who loves stability and knowing exactly what’s going to happen next. Sometimes this is a great way if thinking, but other times this can really hold me back. I second guess every new move, and think critically about every way it effect life as I know. Knowing change is a good thing and actually being accepting of change is not the same thing.
Change is great, staying the same is impossible. I must learn to seek change and accept it when it comes.
Letting go of grudges is a difficult one. I am not the most stubborn girl in the world but when I know I am right and you were way wrong, my automatic instinct is to separate myself from you. This is hard one because I don’t want to hold on to unnecessary negative feelings. It’s like dragging around dead weight.
However I do acknowledge that this behaviour is not beneficial for anybody. Communication is key and in some ways I feel that distancing myself can be quite unfair. How can issues be resolved when the other party are not even aware there is an issue?
I am drawing a blank on this one. I had no actual solution to how to get over these feelings. Grudges come from a place of deep hurt and rage, tied up in 101 reasons of why.
There is one difficult conversation I must have before I know how I feel in the issue. Sometimes you find the answer by actively seeking it. Hopefully this is one of those times.
No matter what positive effect you think you have on someone, you can not change them. Change comes from within, and it comes from a deep wanting of change. As I have said before – I am no-one’s mother. If you are having a problem, it is your duty to resolve it. In the past I have driven myself insane trying to change people. Trying to inspire them to do better and be better. I failed sometimes because this is not my job. Where I have succeeded was ultimately not my doing. People change because they want to. All the massive changes I have made to myself are because I wanted to.
The only life I have control over is mine. I decide whats next for me. My physical and emotional health is my main priority.
That’s not to say there is no room in my heart for anyone else. I can still be a good, positive person by helping where I can. I can continue to encourage, advise and support the people around me. The decisions that they make comes from them.
I have also learnt not to allow anyone to hold me back. And to not be held back by myself. When you are at the end of your days and you look back on all the choices you have made, the worst thing will be not pursuing what you wanted to because of someone else. The people in your life should be encouraging you to go after all your dreams.
You hear of people giving up on their ambitions to accommodate someone else without the person even knowing! Have faith, and trust in your loved ones. They are there to help you get over your fears. They are there to scream over that voice in your head saying ‘you can’t do it.’
Most importantly be the hero to your own story. Encouragement from others is great, but how much does it mean if you don’t believe in yourself. Be your own cheerleader and biggest fan. The only thing holding you back is your own imagination! 2018 can be an amazing year if you want it to be. Will it be perfect? No. Nothing is. But it can be a year filled with more highs than lows if you want it to be. If you work hard for it to be.
Quitting your job and moving to the other side of the world isn’t as easy as people make out it is. However if it’s what you want it can be done. Tomorrow you may decide that you want to be a doctor. Yes it’s takes years of studying and super hard work. However the decision to do it is that easy. As long as you are prepared to follow through.
As for me
this year overall has been a good one. However I do get complacent easily. I need to take my own advise and make that next bold move. I have an idea of where I want to go, now for the following through..
So goodbye 2017, bring on the Christmas dinners, gallons of mulled wine and epic NYE celebrations.
2018 I’m ready for ya 😉
Also a big shout to Ineffabless UK for this beautiful silver bangle they sent me!
Click the picture which will link you to this bracelet. If you want to have a deeper look at their website – http://www.ineffabless.co.uk. Everything is affordable and so pretty!
Today I will talk about a topic I am way to familiar with and the reason I am 3 days behind on this challenge – distraction.
It takes a lot of effort for me to sit down and complete a task, all on my own. Even when I sit down to write which is something I love doing, I will defiantly get distracted and start doing something else before I am done a fair few times. For example just now rather than writing I decided that now was the perfect time to check the Ann Summer’s website…
I know I am the type of person to very easily get distracted, so I do lots of things in effort to combat that. I try to work quickly and set myself timed goals. I constantly remind myself of how important the task in front of me is to me. This blog for example, is entirely personal and so important to me. Me getting distracted is doing myself no favours. Me leaving that post half done means no new content.
Sometimes I get distracted into to not taking a risk. I go to try something new like applying for a new job but become distracted by the comfortable option. Why job hunt all day when I can binge watch project runway?
However when you get distracted from the goals you set yourself the only person your cheating is you. You haven’t gotten away with something, you haven’t let anyone down other than yourself. It is pretty harsh to be so harsh on yourself, but that is how you learn and get better.
You can also think of the super positive feeling of pride.
I sat down (first thing in the morning) and wrote my next blog post. I wasn’t in a crazy rush, I was able to take my time and figure out how I actually feel. I wrote a post that I am proud of and now I have the rest of the day left to do other things. I can do absolutely nothing if I wanted because I have completed the task of the day.
Nothing beats the feeling of being in control of your life and knowing that you are doing everything in your power to live better. When you know you are saving for your future, your job hunting so you can be happy, you writing daily therefore fulfilling your passion. Everything about your actions are in order for you to have the best.
Distractions are a normal and necessary part of life. They are life’s way of letting you know what is really important. How we deal with them is another thing. Tough love isn’t the worst thing, especially when you know how amazing it feels to follow through.
Distractions can also be good. A much-needed relief from a stressful situation. I’ve often talked about my best girlfriends – the sisterhood. Over the years we have perfected the beautiful art of distraction. Realising when of one of us is going into total meltdown – normal caused by over thinking or boys.
Sometimes you have to become that much-needed distraction for each other. Whether it’d be a cliché distraction like a girls night or just going to the cinema, we come up with creative ways to be there for each other. You know what people are doing when they are trying to distract you but you appreciate the effort nonetheless.
Relationships are also distractions at times which can be both good and bad. The toughest moments of our lives can be made slightly better when you are in a relationship. The feeling of having one person who is completely there for you and always thinking about you is amazing. There’s one person you can rely on to cheer you up and look after you.
I guess this can be a bad distraction is if you don’t think about much else. I tend to not get much work done when I’m at my boyfriend’s house. Not because he doesn’t let me or support me mainly because I really don’t want to. I’d much rather be watching a movie or chatting to him than writing. This is something I only realise when I get home and write!
In all honesty, I don’t really mind because this isn’t the worst problem to have. And it doesn’t explain me getting absolutely nothing done when he IS NOT around. I just need to be more disciplined and get my life admin done no matter what.
Delving into the different kind of distractions has made this a really interesting morning. More than anything I realise how much I distract myself. I can achieve a lot when I sit down and finish something.
I have known since July that I wanted to write a post dedicated to Happiness.
But how to say what I want to say? What are my thoughts on happiness? Am I even happy?
Recently my life has been full of new and exciting changes. If you have read my other post you would know that there is 3 things that I wanted. 3 things that I was convinced would bring me to happiness. A new home, a love life and a shiny new job. This perfect trio would bring me all the joy in the world. These three things would make this adulting thing actually okay and maybe even slightly enjoyable.
So why aren’t I jumping and screaming about this so-called new-found happiness? Why am I not over the moon? Why doesn’t my mood reflect all these amazing changes?
There are times where it has. I have taken a few moments throughout these past months to look at what I have achieved and actually be proud of myself. I think to myself ‘this is the feeling I want to write about.’ However this feeling doesn’t stay. A couple of days later I feel myself being climbing down and wondering what happened.
Maybe happiness doesn’t stay because we push it away. Not letting yourself just be happy and in the moment is way of self-sabotage. We are so used to having problems that we almost can’t handle not having any.
You can have everything in the world and still not be happy. Recently I have been pretty down in the dumps, which is unsurprising for this time of month. I have been in a ‘stop the world, I want to get off’ kind of mood.
When good things happen just ACCEPT that a good thing has happened.
Life can be so tough sometimes, and at one point or another you will go through a rough patch. When going through a tough time I focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. A time that won’t be so hard. The storm finally being over and the clear skies that are now finally visible.
No more sitting idly by. And no more creating a storm where there is none.
Happiness is an inside job, something that won’t always click into place on its own. When it doesn’t you have to work at it. I have the power to do so I will create my own clear skies. See through that Laura-made tunnel.
There have been so many times when I have felt genuinely happy but fought that weird, unfamiliar, warm feeling off.
I CAN’T BE HAPPY. THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF PROBLEM I CAN FOCUS ON.
The truth there is that things aren’t perfect. There’s a lot of challenges I need to overcome and things I have to work through. However at the moment life is good. I worked long and hard, and almost gave up several times but I got what I’ve always wanted.
Independence can be quite lonely sometimes but this shouldn’t be confused with being unhappy. I am on my own now because I choose to be. I am finally self-sufficient and am enjoying taking care of myself. When I have a bad day, going back to my empty room can make me feel worse. My mind plays tricks on me and convinces me that I am unhappy because I am alone.
Focusing on the important things is what I have taken away from the experience. Figuring out what is real and what is not. When I feel lonely there are people I can call and places I can go. Rather than sit and dwell on all the things I have to be sad about, I can stand and think about all the things that I have achieved. I can work on a new plan for things I am yet to achieve.
The biggest things I have taken from this confusing sad/happy period of time is that sometimes it is up to me actively change the way I feel.
Create your own clear skies.
Stay Bliss, Laura
I shall be doing the October challenge where I will be posting everyday for a month! I haven’t posted in a while so I am a bit rusty which makes this even more of a fun challenge 🙂 Keep your eyes peeled!
..well this pity party has come to a much-anticipated end.
This last month has been a pretty rough one and I still can not put my finger on what was actually wrong.
What I can understand from it all, is that there was so much going on at the same shitty time. My work life, personal life and body all came to ahead and I was neck-high in a sea of emotions. The best way to describe is to say that I was drowning. Drowning in my negative thoughts and drowning in my immense workload. I was 100% focused on the negative, as I was only committed to thinking about how terrible I felt and how nothing would make me ever feel better.
This got me thinking about the different practical ways we get over a bad stint. It is impossible for us to be happy 100% of the times and entirely natural to go through prolonged moments of sadness. We all develop different ways of lifting ourselves out of these stress caves. It has been super interesting hearing different people’s’ tips and tricks for how they manage these.
One of the most popular suggestions was music.
Music is such a brilliant escape and has the power to really make you view your current situation in a better light. Some artists are born with the immense gift of getting others to feel what they feel. They somehow get you to connect with them speaking to your heart as well as your soul. It can transport you to a different time of your life and give you the ability to look at your life through the artist’s lens.
I know for me personally music has always been the way I escape the stresses of the day. As soon as I get home from work its hair up and headphones on. I have an hour or two where I completely let myself go through the music that reflects my mood. I have to many cringey moments where somewhere has walked in on my dancing around like a drunk butterfly and (trying to) hit the high-notes of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs ‘Gold Lion’ – well, not very well! But I get over it because it does me a load of good and by the time I’m ready to take off my headphones I am in a much better place.
Another of the opinions I received was to have a reliable support system. I found myself in such a state that I forgot I could ask for help. I forgot that my friends and family have been there too. No two situations are the same but you truly realise how much your loved ones can relate to your struggle and that can be the key to you overcoming it. For example, my mother has worked in the NHS for 25 years. I often make the mistake of still seeing her as the authoritative figure in my life that still will tell me off for misbehaving. But as I grow into an adult our relationship has shifted slighty as she becomes more of a friend. After weeks of avoiding the subject of work for fear of being told to ‘stop misbehaving’ I finally cracked and told her everything. I told her that I was struggling with my workload and how mad at myself I was for feeling this way as this was all I ever wanted. What never occurred to me is that she’s actually the BEST person to ask anything about the NHS to. Well she of course gave me sound advice – ‘don’t worry, you’re a very new junior member of staff, you’re not accountable for any major mistakes you may make.’ After this I opened up to my girls, they also completely understood and some were struggling with their work to.
The lesson I learnt from this is that I am not alone. There are so many people who are going similar struggles or have already been through them and have many wise words as to how they did.
The most practical response I received was from a friend who keeps a CBT diary. From my understanding this is a form of cognitive therapy. The idea of it is to effect self-change by taking steps to change your process of thinking. You can read about it here.
It is honestly something I have never tried in this way, but I can do a great deal of help. You evaluate every situation deciding how you felt at the time and how you felt about your reaction. You can then use this as a tool for self-improvement. You can change they way you react in a similar situation the next time round and then evaluate whether the improvements made you and the outcome better.
Getting everyone’s opinions on how they pull themselves out of a bad funk was certainly insightful. Now having got through it and seeing things a bit more clearly the key thing I’ve learnt is that it’s okay to not be okay. More often than not you convince yourself that you’re being weird and dramatic and no one has time for you. When you push through this and swallow your pride and ask for help you wonder why you didn’t just do this to begin with. Realising that people not only relate to your struggle but can help you in ways they were once help is taking a proactive step to getting yourself better. In terms of your mental health the solution isn’t so simple. It becomes less about pulling yourself out of a funk and more about asking for professional help.
My first thoughts on my very first post were ‘it’s always darkest before the dawn.’ As silly and cliché as this sounds, it is very true. I still am struggling but I am happier for taking the time to talk to people and write this as I work my way through it.
And I wish the same for you. I hope you are happy. I hope you are working through your struggles and doing everything it takes to make yourself happy. No one is above help and sometimes you can be happily surprised at the advice and support you may get.
The last couple weeks have particularly trying. I find myself lagging and falling behind. I once spoke about how much something from one aspect of your life can affect another. Good things have happened to me recently. A very confusing and hurtful chapter of my life is drawing to an end after finally receiving some closure. You don’t always realise how much damage is done when things you would classify as minor completely breakdown.
Your phone for example. You don’t think about how much you depend on it to be on your person and functional at all times until it isn’t. You then notice a void, a big gap where something you didn’t pay much thought to used to go. This a how I felt recently about my friendships. Closure is the best gift from any unresolved situation. Now I know all the facts. I know where I stand and how I move forward now is totally up to me.
Que the next turmoil. That’s how life goes isn’t it? You sort out one thing, spend time and energy working out all the kinks. Then BANG. Hit with another one.
After 4 months of working in the NHS I am now understanding how hard they work, and they do work so hard. The pressure is getting to me and I can feel my work starting to slide. Acknowledging it is difficult because you feel so deflated. Why can’t I do this?! From the moment I walked into this I knew exactly what I wanted to get out of it and what I wanted to achieve. My absolute nightmare scenario is the past repeating itself. I was dismissed from my last workplace after 7 weeks. What if this time its at 4 months? And then the next time it’s after 6 months? What if it takes me a lifetime to actually be able to hold down a full-time job? There are so many fears rushing around my mind right now. So much negativity that I just can’t shake.
So as always the question is what am I prepared to do about it? How do I fix this?
So the closing your eyes and count to 10 thing just doesn’t work for me. So what am I going to do is spend this weekend cheering myself up. I’m having a dinner and drinks with some of my best friends this evening. Tomorrow I am going to catch up with some more special people. I am going to laugh, be in the moment and really soak up their positive energy. I can speak to my oh so wise mother who definitely will have a nugget or two of pure gold. I am going to remind myself of all the things I conveniently forget when I am in emotional crisis mode. This apprenticeship ends in November, I can hang and do my best till then. Time flies and I can’t believe I am already on 4th month. By this logic it means in no time at all I will be receiving my qualification and hearty well done handshake. I CAN DO THIS.
One of my favourite sayings is ‘be patient, things are always difficult before they are easy.’ What I have always wanted is to be valued within a workforce and to create more opportunities for myself. Obviously this was never going to be an easy challenge. It will be hard, and some days much like today I am going to want to give up. But I know that this is what I want and I am prepared to put the work into.
For me this what life means. You think you’ve done it, cracked the code of happiness. Then something happens that shakes you to your core. Makes you re-evaluate everything you think you know to be true. It is a test of your strength and resolve. Happiness is an inside job and it take a lot of work to get to a place of peace and tranquility. I am convinced that it can be achieved. Whilst you work hard and wait for physical rewards, reward yourself with you do have. I am rich. I am wealthy. Wealthy in family, friends, love, opportunities and freedom. I have what an immense amount of people long to have and I am grateful for that everyday.
So there it is. I have talked myself down of that ledge. I reaffirmed in my soul everything that I know. I am happy because I make myself happy because I chose to work on my happiness everyday. As for work? It is a clear as day that the honeymoon is over. It is time for me to kick it up a gear. As for the past? It is the past for reason. To be used as lesson and then left behind.
Stay Bliss, Laura
P.S This post was written on Friday 7th May, hence so many references to the weekend that has just passed!
I travel solo for the first time ever in 2 days! I’m super excited and nervous about it although I’m also freaking out because I’m not prepared at all! I will definitely being writing a post about my time in Geneva, maybe I’ll even try putting together a vlog.. and make that YouTube dream into a reality?
Last summer I had the pleasure of going to Spain with a few of my girls. Getting there was horrific as we managed to miss our flight and had to travel miles away to a different airport to catch the next one. I spent money that I didn’t have (I’m literally still paying my friend back to this day) and we had a what felt like a never-ending wait for our next flight. My ankle was still really injured so the girls had to wheel me around everywhere. Oh and we had no english money so spent the day at the airport starving! It was such a nightmare.
However the hell-ish journey there was totally worth the wonderful trip that it became. Sometimes as close as we are to each other, we don’t get real-time together which is why a holiday is the best place to reconnect. We had a lush time lounging around sunbathing, drinking slushy tequila sunrises and mimosas. We had great times dancing the night away, pounding tequila’s and taking late night excursions down to the beach. We sat around gossiping, telling each other our problems and making the most magnificent meals. We shared opinions, made plans, exchanged jewelery and sang(screamed) Blu Cantrell’s greatest hits.
It was abundance of love, booze, laughter, cigarettes, food and a few tears. One day we decided to take a day trip to Morocco, which wasn’t the best day to say the least. We were put in quite uncomfortable situations that day and were thrilled to get out of there. I’m not knocking Morocco though, the place and the culture itself was quite remarkable. When you are with your friends in a foreign place, you never feel unsafe or in danger because you know what ever happens they will have your back. So as much as we were all in agreement to leave Morocco and get back to a little temporary home in Malaga, it was lovely being able to leave arm in arm with smiles on our faces.
As much as I had holiday blues when I had to come back home and face my new reality, I left Spain completey content. I left with an even deeper love for my sisters, with a new plan for that section of my life and with some amazing memories.
There’s lots of reasons to travel. When I travel with my girls it’s for the purpose of finally having a chance to all let our hair down and enjoy each others company, with no distractions!
Eeek! Every since my first read through of these challenges I’ve been trying to recollect my first solid memory. Maybe this is too hard?
Since the day I was born my mother has always worked as PA / secretary in big swanky offices in London. This meant it was so much easier for her to send me to a nursery around her workplace so she could drop me off and pick me up on her way to and from work. I ended going to this wonderful nursery called St ‘insert name here’ in Waterloo. So I have totally forgotten what it was called but I remember my journey there with my mum and the warm feeling I had once being there.
There is so many images that come to mind when I think of being a carefree toddler in what felt like the most amazing place in the world. I remember making chocolate krispy treats with all my little friends, and singing my favourite tunes at circle time. I remember sharing a blanket with my best friend at nap time. I remember being so full of energy once waking up and ready to start all over again with my buddies.
It’s a shame that I don’t remember who they are anymore but I hope they look back on the memories as fondly as I do.
I initially started writing about my nursery times because of one key memory. All the other memories came flowing out. The memory is off the pastry shop down the road where my mum used to take me when I was good. Or when she was hungry. The smell of the freshly baked bread and cakes always invited me in. The colour of the different pastries and cake toppings completely engrossed me. There were multicoloured sprinkle topped cupcakes, the biggest most sugary fresh doughnuts, coconut and jam layered sponge-cakes and so much more. My mum used to lift me up on to one of the high tables so I could see the pastry masters at work. It was so busy, I think everybody in the city used to love that place. My absolute favourite used to be the iced finger buns. They were so sweet and buttery and were iced in lots of different colours. Whenever I am in the area I have a look for my favourite pastry shop. I believe the last time I had a look it had been shut down but I can’t be sure of that.
It is so funny how we archive memories such as these. It has been an amazing experience re-living this memory. I think about the lovely friends I made, the nursery workers who looked after me so well, the chefs who fed me the most delicious iced buns as my first delve into a blissful existence. I know there is no way I can be absolutely care-free as an adult. I have certain responsibilities now. However I can remember how it felt to live in a world full of positivity, light and freshly baked pastry.
So due to the nature of day 5 and 6’s challenges I decided to mesh them into one post. Also something I discovered that I really need to work on, is making time to write on the weekend. When I have spare time at work, writing a post comes very naturally for me. However when it comes to the weekend I’d rather lay in bed nursing a hangover and catching up on Nashville then dedicate time to my much-loved blog. This week I am ready for day 11 and 12! I won’t let my blog or this challenge suffer because I’m procrastinating, I shall be super prepared 🙂
So on with the challenge..
Wow this is a very difficult question, especially as I am young woman trying to figure out how to live my life. I get advice from my elders, my friends and my colleagues on a daily basis as I recognise that I do need constant reassurance that I’m doing okay. Sometimes I know what the best decision is or I know that I’m on the right track but I need to hear someone else say it to me! With all this being said, I believe the best piece advice I’ve received is also the first advice I have a recollection of. Know your self-worth.
My life completely changed the moment I started to value myself. With all the growth and the self-improvement I have been doing lately it can all be traced back to the moment I began to value myself. Everyday I tell myself that I am important, beautiful and a good person. I tell myself that I can do whatever my mind can conceive if I work hard.
Okay this all sounds very cliché and cheesy, and our brains try to block out those cheesy sayings you hear all to often. But as I’ve grown up and come into contact with different people the first thing you notice is how much someone values themself. How much they stand strong in their opinions and beliefs, and how little they let the opinions of others – be it their peers or the media affect the image the have of themself. You also really notice if someone self-worth is tied to another person. If someone only values themself as much as they are valued by a loved one.
Do not get me wrong, I am all about the love. Seeing a loving couple so connected to each other is a beautiful thing. Of course your partner’s opinion will be very important to you. But you notice when after a bad relationship your self-worth was shattered that your ex’s opinion was the be all and end all for you.
Valuing one’s self is a lifelong journey. Things like heartbreak and rejection play a big part in a wobble in of self-confidence and value. But with all things you keep moving forward. You keep remembering everything good about yourself, and find a shoulder to cry on when you are having a wobble. You also remember how this feel and make sure you shoulder is extended to your loved one when their self-value is on shaky grounds.
So day 4 has had to be re-uploaded on day 5 due to many problems with the links in the description. No need to worry I will keep continuing and know for next time to plan these hyperlinked posts way ahead of time!
I have chosen interpret this challenge as ‘5 favourite blogs and vlogs’ as there a several YouTube channels that I am obsessed with. This list is no particular order, it is just my selection of online favourites.
1 – https://www.youtube.com/user/mmabutternut
I absolutely adore Mark and Ethan and fell in love with their vlogs since the day I came across them on YouTube. They are all about positivity, healthy living and adventures. Both Mark and Ethan are exceptional film makers and every vlogs is filled with cinematic shots – almost like mini life films. There energy is so infectious which is why when you start watching them you can’t stop. Yup I am defiantly a member of the Methan fan base!
So separate perspective is a blog created by my very close friend a while ago. I love reading his work as he is a beautiful and eloquent writer. If you don’t know him personally his posts invites you into his mind as he makes it his mission to get the readers to relate to his everyday struggles. He mixes real deep topics with he unique sense of humour to create this amazingly addictive blog!
So I have been subscribed to Mari Lil for a couple of years and just love her energy and humility. Mari Lil is a beauty, fashion and lifestyle YouTuber from the US. I take her tips on how to manage natural hair. I also love watching the little pieces of her life she shares with her audience.
Another beauty and fashion guru, I have been watching miss Anitta religiously since her first video. Also another friend of mine, I love her humour and her style of beauty. Nothing she uses is to expensive, yet she always ends up looking so glam!
5 – Foodie Blogs
This is one I need help with. I need some of your best foodie blogs because I’m looking for one to make my own! I have no-one at the moment I read consistently but I am looking! Any ideas?
The reasons I started blogging are different to the reasons I blog now. So let’s start with why I started to begin with.
On February 25th last year I was in a completely different place, mentally and physically. I was lacking a sense if purpose which at the time was tied into not having a job. My life was at a standstill. I wasn’t moving backwards or forwards. At the same time my friends were trudging forward with their life. I was also battling with a really bad ankle injury which made life that little bit more difficult.
However despite going through this difficult time something weird happened. I found all this motivation and positive energy from somewhere. It was immediately after I went on an employment boot camp which completely changed my outlook on the way I was choosing to live my life. I decided at the moment that I had to do something. Looking for jobs was draining but eventually I would find one and that worry would be over. In the meantime I could change the feeling of purposeless by creating a new purpose. That is when I created stay bliss.
I started to blog to help dig my way out of the hole I called home for way to long. I starting blogging to confirm to myself that I was ready to start trying again. I was ready to implement positivity into my everyday life. Things were getting better from the moment I started believing that it would.
So now I have different reason, different motivations and my purpose has shifted. I blog now because I fell in love with it. I blog now because I have seen what a difference it can make speaking good things into fruition. The feedback has been amazing and I love the idea that my words can help other people to. It is a surreal feeling being able to look back at your past posts and see how far you have come.
I haven’t reached all of my goals yet. There is still so much I want to accomplish and there is still so much life I need to live. If I am asked this question again in a year I’m sure my reasoning will have changed again. For now the there is a simple answer for this question.
I blog because it changed my life. I blog because it makes me happy. I blog because I love it.
So what’s the meaning of stay bliss and where did it come from?
Like many bloggers before me I struggled with naming this blog. Once you have decided on a concept it is very important to find a name that matches it. I wanted to stay away from a blog with ‘positive’ in the title as I thought this might imply that I have been trained in human behaviour or motivational speaking.
Stay bliss for me is a concept. It is a way of living your life and dictates how you choose to deal with life on a day-to-day basis. Staying bliss is living a life for you. A life where your happiness is the most important of things. Happiness and wellbeing are like plants, they need love, care and a good environment to enable it grow and reach its full potential. So essentially we are plants!
Life can be incredibly tough especially when it feels like you are experiencing more battles than triumphs. The answer to how you stay motivated, balanced and above it all is still unknown to me. One day I think I have all the answers and do the victory dance because I have figured out how to smash this life stuff. Alas the next day this all goes out of the window. I am forced to re-evaluate and relearn how to stay bliss. However these fundamental life nuggets to come back to really help with the journey.
There is something therapeutic about writing all your thoughts down. Stay bliss for me means giving myself the talk that I was avoiding. Hearing all those cliché sayings that are cliché for a reason. It’s visually seeing the juxtaposition between what you want to think and what you know you should think. Most of the time we know we shouldn’t give up. We know that the right career, house, love is all obtainable as long as we work hard. We may feel alone but we know our friends and family are there to support us. We just choose not to harness this support.Sometimes you need a read a sentence you have written to yourself – ‘SNAP OUT OF IT!’
It’s hard to argue with me..
One of my goals in life is to always stay bliss. And to keep encouraging others to stay bliss to. It is crazy how much your energy and outlook shape your whole life. As soon as you try to keep up your positivity and apply it to every situation things really DO start to become better. As I say time and time again, happiness is an inside job. THIS is the meaning of stay bliss.
So for the next 31 days I will be trying my best to participate in a 31 day blog challenge. When stay bliss first began I had no idea how much I would enjoy it let alone be willing to do a blogging challenge!
I chose this challenge because I love the idea of having to write about something everyday and this is a big chance for me to develop. At the moment I can only write a post when I feel like I have something worthwhile to say. This may sound good but when I am feeling uninspired for a few months (e.g. 0 posts in september) this can have real effect on me and my blog. Challenging myself to write everyday will hopefully enable me to focus and motivate myself when it comes to writing instead of always waiting on that feeling. If there are any writers or bloggers out there reading this, I invite you to do this challenge with me! If you express yourself through a different medium you may want to try looking for a challenge that suits you. There are tons of different ones you can find on the internet and you can tailor them to suit your style.
The one I have chosen is quite mature – there’s literally a question in there about kids! But the general feel of the challenge fits quite nicely with stay bliss so I will just be substituting the challenges that don’t apply to me 🙂
As I approach the 1 year birthday of my baby which has been stay bliss, I’ve reflected on my past posts which sum up the lessons I have learnt throughout the year. To say I am a different person now would be a slight exaggeration, however I do feel that I’ve grown and matured throughout this time. One thing I noticed I tend to forget sometimes is my personal life. The focus for me since this time last year was finding a career. As happy as I am about my current position, I realise that you can’t limit your focus. I cannot stress enough how happy I am with the place I am in terms of my career. For the first time in a long time I have a purpose. I have a fixed goal that I am working towards and am totally enjoying the journey. However as I reflect, I have urged myself to dig deeper. After all, having a career isn’t everything! I can’t put everything into building a life as a professional woman whilst neglecting other things that should matter just as much.
The biggest thing I have neglected is my family life. I plague my own life with issues that at the time feel like the end of the world. Sometimes I’m so concerned with it all that I forget to just be. 2017 for me is about rectifying this. It’s about spending quality time with my family who have been nothing but patient and supportive whilst I attempt to sort my life out. The great thing about family is there essentially stuck with you! You only get a couple of parents, sisters & brothers and a few cool cousins, uncles & aunts to call your own. I know it doesn’t matter how long I stray, as long as I find my way home. Staying bliss this year means to return home. If that is not an option for you, it may mean building a new one. Identifying the issue is step 1, resolving it is the much-needed step 2.
After a conversation with my girls about themes and suggestions for this post, I got the chance to listen as they reflected on their year and the lessons they took from it. One word came up time and time again – Perspective.
As young teenage girls and boys we become so self-critical of ourselves. Critiquing is not always a bad thing. The criticism (both positive and negative) we give ourselves and we receive from our peers helps learn and develop. However sometimes we take this to far. A sentiment my friends definitely share. What starts as self-motivation turns into, ‘I am fat’ ‘I am ugly’ ‘I am boring’ ‘I’m never going to make it in life’ ‘I will always be where am’.
In order to move forward and be happy with your life there needs to be a shift in viewpoint. As we grow up we begin to understand how hard life can actually be. With this knowledge you can look at your life, your age and your achievements objectively and allowing yourself to be happy about what you have. Maybe even throw some positive criticism your way.
The point my girls were trying to get across to me about the lessons they have learnt this year is ‘everything takes time.’ We are similar ages and interested in similar things. We have the same major goals such as job stability, living independently, learning to drive, travelling the world etc. We could certainly be envious of each other, as everyone has reached one or more of these goals in some capacity. It is easy to be hateful and jealous of people who are achieving. We choose instead to support each other, celebrate with each other and use one another as inspirations. Deep down we all know that with hard work, motivation and a good support network, we will be checking these goals of our lists in no time. For the mean time we will stay calm, and not fill our mind with trivial comments. Everything takes time.
I also spoke to people who have spent the last couple of years adjusting to London life. The question of what they have learnt and decisions they have come to, came from different perspectives as well. Despite the different outcomes and the realisation that London is an unforgiving place, I see what a difference it makes looking at the world through blissfully tinted glasses. I met someone who has made her very best friends in London because in her words some people are destined to be friends due to being ‘bonded by circumstance.’ To me this is a perfect example of taking the bad and making good. Not by dismissing it, or trying to change something negative that happened into a good thing. Instead by using it as fuel and not letting it stop you achieving. Everyone struggles but that is what bonds us. This is what makes you feel less alone and able to strive towards a goal hand in hand with your people.
My good friend who was the subject of my ‘saying goodbye’ post, had a completely different experience of london. He spoke about the city leaving him feeling invisible but also feeling pressured to be confident. The two years he spent in London forced him to change his outlook on life.
“There comes a moment, a short second, where everything you once saw or believed is shaken. Your attention is pulled into focus and you’re forced to stare life directly in the face with a whole new perspective. You will find clarity in the strangest places. As easily as the confusion cascaded upon you, it will subside and everything will be quiet. Your friends, family and work mates would have all given you their opinion which is likely to be the classic ‘do whatever’s best for you.’ It’s all true and you know it. Sooner or later though you realise that no viewpoint matters more than your own. Give yourself a break, hold your own as life as treasure regardless of where you find yourself. Take that moment and run with it. It’s always a matter of perspective.”
This has been the most fun and challenging post I’ve had the pleasure to write. Getting the opportunity to get everyone’s take on perspective has been eye-opening. The key thing I have taken away from this topic is that our happiness is paramount. If you find that you are unhappy or unfulfilled with your life for any reason, your viewpoint of the situation is the first place to seek anwsers. Are you looking at the issue objectively? Is it as bad as it seems? Is there a change you can make that will directly impact and begin to resolve these issues? Life is not black and white, believe me I know. But what has helped me overcome trying times is taking a big step back and looking at everything honestly. The anwser is mostly – this can be fixed. With patience, support, white wine and a LOT of hard-work there is a way out of this situation.
We all go through completely different things, and are struggling in some shape or form. The things that differentiate us and keep us moving forward is our perspective. Looking at your life objectively and patting yourself on the back when life calls for it.
I have definitely had a very blissful year! Hopefully this time next year my outlook on life will be very different, exciting! Thank you if you have subscribed, commented, liked or read a post from time to time. Here’s to another great year 🙂
Stay Bliss, Laura
P. S a big thanks to my girls, Morgan, Cameron and Kat for all the help with this post!
If you have read my week 7 and beyond post you will know exactly why this week is such a big deal! Having a new job and staying in employment for 8 whole weeks is such a big deal for me, and the way I finally prove to myself that I am not the failure my mind keeps trying to convince me that I am.
I should be jumping around like a lunatic, celebrating this achievement as I’ve been trying so hard to get here. The problem with reaching the important milestones in your life, is sometimes personal issues means they can get overlooked.
As human beings it is important to remember that not everything will always go to plan. We can be fighting a battle that we are totally ready for and all of a sudden another battle jumps out of nowhere.
This is what has happened to me. My festive period hasn’t been so festive as relationships I once valued have come to an end. I notice now more than ever how much one aspect of your life effects the rest. I think this is the biggest battle we all face and the hardest question we ask ourselves. How do we keep our lives balanced?
I genuinely do not know the answer to this as my clarity on the subject changes daily. The biggest thing I’m dealing with right now is figuring out how not to let the negative overshadow the positive. As much as I know the sensible thing to do is ditch all my worries or ‘keep calm and carry on’ as the saying goes – this is easier said than done.
I have decided the way I am going to pull myself through these uncertain times is to make myself a series of promises. Ironically one of the promises is to stick to my promises.
Another is to make sure no matter what happens in my life – I will make the time to celebrate my achievements. No matter what turmoil I find a has plagued particular aspect of my life, I will not neglect to celebrate my wins in the other.
For everything I’ve lost there are always constants that I still have. I still have some amazing friends and family. I also find myself making new friendships which have brought even more depth to my life. I promise to value these and I promise to make sure the people I love know that I love them.
Most of all I promise to always value myself. I know who I am and am proud of who am I. I have made the biggest effort to make sure I am and remain a genuine and real person and I will let nothing or no one make me doubt that. Happiness is an inside job (as I always say!) which starts with knowing and accepting yourself as you are.
If you don’t even like yourself, who will? If you don’t give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done, who will?
So I say a big congratulations to me 🙂 I’ve worked extremely hard to get to this point, and promise that this is only the beginning. Onwards and upwards.
So this is just a quick post to say that there’s a lot of new things to come. (Yay!)
I have been absolutely loving this blog, it has fast become my baby and I have been looking for new and exciting ways to develop it. The biggest thing I am in the process of planning is a couple photoshoots with some photographer friends of mine. On every post I try to use a featured image that captures the gist of the message of the post. I thought going forward, it would be a good idea if these images were mine. So be prepared for a lot photos of me looking off into a dreamy landscape or indulging in cup of coffee or even typing away on my laptop.
You don’t need to wait for the new year to have a new start. From the moment I started my new job I decided to reinvent myself. I am going to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do but let fear and procrastination stop me. I want to make some new friends (you can never have to many close friends right?) and also enrol in a couple of college courses. For to long I let the fact that university didn’t go to well for me dictate where I could go in life. I thought ‘I don’t have a degree so I will always be a the bottom.’ FALSE. I can do whatever my mind can concieve as long as I put the work in. So can you.
Photoshoot, creative writing course, photography course etc. I can do and will do it all – not for anyone else, for me.
So here’s to the start of a weird and wonderful ‘stay bliss’ adventure. Maybe one day I’ll meet a partner and add to the happiness I have already established for myself. For today I say I am happy. It took a lot of work, many ups and down but I am.
If you are not there’s no need to worry. Believing in yourself and making yourself happy is the hardest job in the world. However it is the most rewarding and a job that will carry on forever. Allow yourself to wallow for a while, keep holding on and celebrate all your wins. When you reach a moment of happiness, embrace it! Hold on to it and celebrate yourself for letting sunshine into your life. Look to your loved ones for support and look into yourself for the motivation to keep going. Be honest with yourself and hopefully at the very end you can congratulate yourself on a job well done.
I’ve changed domains – staybliss.blog (it’s got a ring to it) 🙂
Welcome to my 10th blogpost! My how time flies, especially when you are having fun 🙂 When I first started my blog, I decided it was a place for me to share my journey into blissfulness. I hope so far I have been able to encourage anyone that might be reading this. The whole idea is to show that we all have our battles. We all have insecurites and stuggle with feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. We also sometimes make the mistake of thinking our thoughts and troubles do not matter and are not worth sharing. Throughout my posts I have learnt myself that this is untrue. My feelings and yours do matter and are worth sharing. Through these posts I have been able to work out the best way to deal with my issues and continue to stay positive. I hope more than anything your are able to identify with my struggles, and find your own way of dealing with them. Lots of people have said that they can relate to what I’m saying and that made me feel fantastic. I felt less alone and its lovely knowing that I am helping people as much as myself. As I always say happiness is an inside job. Be proud of who you are and strive to maintain your smile.
And on that note..
So this week I started my job and I couldn’t be more thrilled. On a different post I wrote about celebrating your wins and for me this is a big one. There’s a lot going on in my life right now – a lot to moan about if I wanted to. I’m choosing to focus my energy on the successes. My dad slowly starting to recover from a horrible illness he has been battling for a couple months now. And me. Me and my new job. I have been doing a lot of reflecting recently. I found my mind kept drifting to my past failures and how to not repeat them.
‘Week 7’ just popped in to my head as it was at this point I was kindly shown the door at my last work place. To say I was devastated about it would be an understatement. I could not figure out if I was more upset that I was let go, or upset at the fact that I genuinely thought I was doing a good job. I cannot explain how low I was feeling at then as I am well past it now but it was horrible!
Obviously I spent a glorious night with friends who tried there best to cheer me up with words of encouragement (& lots tequila shots). The next morning I resolved that my new goal was WEEK 7. It is okay do be down and out but at some point you need to get up, dust yourself off and keep going. Wherever life would take me next, I’ll try to get to week 7. No, I WILL get to week 7.
It is important to set goals and aims for yourself because you can use them to show how far you’ve come. I can look back at all the time I spent doing jobs I hated; at the depressed and lonely days I had; at constantly feeling like failure and see the amazing turn around I was able to make. I can look back at all this and use achieving a personal goal as a boost.
My week 7 objectives are entirely personal. This isn’t something I’ll boost about on my CV. If you asked me to tell you something about myself l probably won’t mention this. I don’t feel the need to discuss it with my friends or family. This is just for me (well and you also). This is so I can firmly shut the door on all the negative criticism I have given myself recently. I can once again believe in the power of positive thinking and myself.
Of course week 7 isn’t the final goal. Ideally I’d like to finish my apprenticeship and be offered permanent position. I’ll adjust and reevaluate my goals once achieving them. For now I’m going to keep confidently making steps towards week 7 – my Everest!
This is just my way of using something that gets you down, to build you up. Why let that annoying thing you’ve never been quite able to do get you down? Turn your worst trait, the thing your scared of the most, the hurdles that make you second guess yourself into the best thing about you. Show yourself how capable you are. Change the existing gloomy image you have of yourself to one you are proud of. Being happy with you is the whole idea. The only person you have an obligation to look after and please in this world is you.
I have recently been battling the feelings of loneliness. Sometimes you know you are being irrational, there are friends you can call for a chat and a meet up if you needed to. The feeling comes from having a life that has completely stalled whilst everyone else’s world keeps turning.
The people who were once in the same lane as you are now preoccupied in a lane you’ve never even seen. Maybe the lonely feeling comes from the crashing realisation that I am an adult now. So are my friends. They have grown up problems now like rent, bills & relationships. All are problems I know nothing about. That feeling comes from so desperately wanting your own grown up life and having the problems of an independent woman. That feeling comes from knowing you are nowhere close to that yet.
So I know what my problem is, what do I do about it? How do I stop feeling so lonely and sad?
The answer is there is no quick fix. The biggest thing to realise is that your friends and family do care and love you. If they knew what you were going through, they would make some time for you.
The real answer lies within myself. I have an image of what I’d like my life to look within a year or 2. Ideally I would like to have moved out of my parents house, have a job (not an apprenticeship) within the NHS, have a savings account and maybe even a partner. The partner bit however is not essential! All of this feels like it is out of my reach, but if I take things one step at a time it will slowly fall into place. My life needs shaking up and taking a step out of my comfort zone will give me the shake I need.
I am sad and lonely because my world has stopped turning so it is my job to kick start it. The biggest thing I do is check myself when I start feeling depressed. I give myself the ‘well what are you guna do about it’ push and pick myself up.
This is why I believe it is so important to stay positive. We are human and sometimes we give in to those emotions that are more damaging then helpful at times. However if you are a positive person who speaks good things into your life, you are constantly able pick yourself up. It doesn’t matter if your down and out, we have all been there. Just don’t stay there.
So this is a problem that’s mine. By that I mean this is one I’m going to have to work at fixing myself. But I will!
I start with acknowledging the issue I have been having on a post like this. These posts are like therapy for me. When I start writing I feel one way and by the end I feel so positive and ready to start again! Do what you need to do to encourage yourself and get out of the self-pity hole. For me it’s these posts, others have different forms of self-expression and therapy.
I know what I have to do now. I always did. Maybe I feel so lonely because I’m waiting for my life to start. I need to stop waiting. Nothing is going to start by itself. I have to be the one to press that start button.
This blog is about how to keep only positive vibes around you. How can you do that when you feel negative? How can you stay in your bubble of happiness when there is nothing to feel happy about? How do you see through you storm into brighter days when it’s just way to stormy? This is something I’ve been struggling with recently and it hindered my ability to write a new positive blog post.
However I’ve noticed things are changing because I am changing. My perseverance has paid off for me in a small way. So I am celebrating my small win! That’s how I choose to stay in my positive bubble. That’s how when things get rough for me I celebrate what IS going well 😊
So what has been going well for me I can psychically feel you wondering? My friends who we’ve dubbed ‘the sisterhood’ are they for me always. They sit with me when I want to have a cry and bitch fit (which is more often then I’d care to say.) They also celebrate with me when things are going well, like me landing myself a small part time job! I’m there for them to, it’s massively encouraging how when someone is in need we are able to drop everything and come running.
I also have two amazing mentors who have quickly become people I look up to. We share positive words and they use their industry experience to help me when it comes to looking for work. They always there to give me feedback and advice and have helped me unlock the confidence they knew I had. My search for an apprenticeship benefitted me in ways that I was not expecting and is part of me changing for the better as a person.
My mum and dad who throughout everything, have kept me grounded and every day tell me how amazing and capable I am. The support that they give me that I don’t always say ‘thank you’ for has made me the person I am. The love I have for them is to immense to describe. You are product of your upbringing and this evident in my caring nature that my mum is known for and strength and fighting spirit which is who my dad is.
So that’s how I stay in my bubble and how I’ve been able to write throughout the struggle. I’ve been really low recently but I have picked myself out of my funk by thinking about everything I have going for me. Yes there is so much more I want to achieve but I CAN. Time is my friend and the sky is the limit. My mantra for this site is happiness is an inside job and it really is.
Somebody asked me a few days ago what my one peice of advice to someone about staying bliss would be. I said don’t give up. Things get rough sometimes and it can be hard to see through. But keep going and focus on what you already have. He replied raaaah that’s deep. It’s not really. Celebrate your wins, life can get too tough for them to be overlooked.
So ever since last week’s blog post I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next. I don’t know why I was thinking so hard as I’m pretty sure I wanted discuss what it is like to be a young single woman. The reason why I struggled starting this post is because this can be a topic that is hard to honestly discuss. You can a run a real risk of sounding bitter and lonely (eek!). Despite this I will talk about this topic as freely as I can and hopefully someone out there can relate.
Being single can be both the most fun and the most lonely. I guess in a good relationship you are constantly being reassured of how awesome and beautiful you are. Whereas for us singles we are forever battling feelings of inadequacy. This is perfectly okay, it just means that I have to remember to compliment myself!
The fun part of being single is the freedom of it. I can literally go anywhere and hang out with anyone at anytime! It such a laugh to be able to go out with some friends and have no idea where the night will take you. Being young, single and living in London means never knowing what’s in store for you next. I have to admit I do like to party (shocking right) and always without a doubt end up having a deep conversation with a total stranger. It’s a wonderful feeling to live a life completely for myself.
There is on the other hand a lonely side to being single. The most obvious is the physical loneliness – it sounds nice having unlimited access to cuddles, kisses and kind words. And even though a major pro of being single is not having to answer to anyone, it can feel a little unnerving thinking no one out there has any particular interest in where you are or what you are doing. I guess when you make the decision to commit to someone you want that feeling of attachment.
Shallow people make being single a nightmare some times. It is so annoying to be judged and passed over due to your looks before someone even takes the chance to get to even speak to you. Hey, I’m a lovely person, maybe take 5 minutes to actually get to know me eh?!
Ever since the end of my last relationship (which ended quite amicably) and my move to university I have decided that I was ready. Ready for a brand new relationship with a brand new person.
I had already learnt to be confident within myself, battled with my self-esteem but learnt to love all the things about myself that I previously wanted to change. Flaws and all. Happiness is an inside job and it had taken me some time but I was finally happy with who I am. Working on myself was about making sure my happiness and peace of mind was not attached to what someone else thought of me. I figured if I could come to a place of total self-acceptance, a place of knowing who I am and not worrying about what other people thought, maybe then I could let someone in.
So that was a good few years ago but here I am, STILL SINGLE! It sucks when you get yourself to the game and there’s no play. This is because if you spend so much time fixing yourself and lengthening your shortcomings – you can’t then go and settle. Don’t get me wrong I am not overly picky, neither am I particularly unhappy about being single. I just know what I need to get from a commitment because I know what I intend to bring to it. So there is absolutely no need to rush into something I am not happy with just to save me from being alone. Don’t lower your standards.
Sometimes it can be difficult when you have this plan for yourself that isn’t quite panning out. By the tender age of 23 (which is now!) I was supposed to have finished university with at least a 2:1, have a job, moved out and be one half of a successfully loving relationship. Life right now couldn’t be more opposite to what I intended. I am not down though. It wasn’t exactly the most SMART plan.
Now I have decided to make a new plan, and give it much more thought. ‘I want to be successful’ is not the most specific plan. I am not rushing into anything. It is more important for me to have a long think and consider what it is I actually want before I go jumping into anything. I have the same mantra for relationships. Relationships can be the most beautiful thing in the world and it is amazing to have a best-friend and lover fused into one. Some people are lucky enough to have already found this. The rest of us just have to wait it. Be open to people and open to making new friends and eventually something great will come along. Be happy with who you are without needing this amazing love to swoop in and complete you.
It has become more and more evident to me as time has passed how much I love my friends. When you have people you can tell everything to you realise you already have everything you need. They give me all the emotional support I need. This is why I have decided it best to let a relationship happen naturally. However constantly having to reassure myself that this is not giving up! As for now I am totally good 🙂 Guy/girls come and go from your life as you have many relationships that slowly help mould you. Despite all this however you will always have your friends. Why run around looking for something else when I have friends like mine.
So I have considered starting a blog for a long time now but due to not having anything major going on in my life I decided against it. After what has to be a very eventful weekend where I spent most of it consoling a friend over many bottles of red wine I realised it’s okay to be sad and talk about it. And Stay Bliss was born!
Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that is okay to spend ALL of your time miserable and wallowing but it is okay to find yourself in a sucky situation and just exclaim ‘this sucks!’ Take me for example, I pretty much flunked out of university because I spent most nights downing jägerbombs and more wine (surprised?!) rather than studying. Then did a stint of work at WH Smiths which let’s just say wasn’t for me. I found myself so stuck and desperately wanting to commit to a job to change my life.
After many job interviews, signing up for the doll and two-week employability course that encouraged a change of mind-set (negative to positive) I was ready. Ready to change my attitude, ready for a career, ready to seriously think about future. I was more positive than ever, my CV looked great, I was confident and ready to land my dream job.
Life doesn’t happen when you are ready I figured out the hard way. Yes I am ready for a career but no one seems to be ready to hire me. Interview after interview, application after application eventually turned into rejection after rejection. My positivity dwindled as I tried so hard to put a brave face on – ‘yeah I didn’t get that job. Sucks but hopefully I’ll get one soon eh?!” Even though I was being continuously hit with rejection and would not allow myself to feel sad by throwing myself into another interview or job application.
And after the eventful weekend where a close friend had a particularly bad one, I found myself dolling out advice. “It’s okay to be sad and angry.” “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” “This situation really sucks but I know, and you’ll be okay – better than okay.” I was saying anything I could to encourage my friend, to make sure she knew she had my support and she was stronger and bigger than her situation. Of course it didn’t fix it, but it helped her and it helped me knowing I helped in some way. Then I found out the latest apprenticeship I had applied for had decided that they actually had no need for an apprentice. That was it. Last Straw. Breakdown.
“Remember what you said to me, it’s okay to be sad and angry, just don’t let it stop you from trying.” Even though that was probably one of the saddest days I have had in a long time, letting myself feel all of this sadness I had been harbouring was such a liberating feeling. It wasn’t fair. I have been trying so hard to get a job and it isn’t fair that I keep getting rejected. And that’s okay! I told myself how awful that day was and let myself feel angry and upset for every single second it.
That how it goes sometimes. Life sucks and sometimes it will beat you down. But you just have to say okay, I am going to stay down and wallow down here today. However first thing in the morning I’m going to get up and hit right back! I will motivate myself all over again. I am going to remember that I am talented and capable and eventually things will work out. The way the always have and will 🙂
So this is what Stay Bliss will be about. My little nuggets of finding and maintaining happiness and peace of mind. Happiness for me also does equal food so you can expect some foodie posts as well!
I dedicate this, my first post to Annie – it’s always darkest before the dawn.