The Search For Clarity

Stay Bliss turns 3 today and I couldn’t be happier! I have had the most amazing time writing this blog and it is shocking how far I have come since my first post.

My life has changed so much for the better and I believe part of the reason for that is this blog. Being able to write down everything I’m feeling, the good, the bad and the ugly – has been the most therapeutic thing I have ever done. I really do encourage you to find a creative outlet because it helps you work through most things.

For the last few weeks my mind has focused on one topic… when is enough enough?

Even the strongest person who knows to their core who they are, can get caught up in someone else’s life. When you love with all your heart, you take on the triumphs and stresses of another person. Then you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by problems that with hindsight are not really your problem. The selfish part of me, becomes obsessed with being the hero in this story, I so badly want to swoop in and save the day.

So, when is enough enough?

The first thing I need to do is take a big step back. Being overwhelmed with someone’s else stress is comparable to being blasted with blaring music 24/7. It exhausts you, you become so tired and sleep is not making the music stop or go away. You need to step away from the music, close your eyes and rest. Clarity is the best thing for these situations, and taking a step back enables you to make decisions a lot more logically as you are now able to see everything for what it is.

The next thing is to get honest with yourself. Remember who you are, what you stand for and what you need. Is what you currently have making you happy? Are you being supported and constructively challenged? Is this still your happy place? Hopefully with time and clarity these questions become easier to answer. However answering honestly may not produce the answers you desire.

Now you have gathered all this information. Now you have taken a step back and are well rested, weightless. What are your next steps?

This is where my mind draws blank. I need the time away to be able to know this. Nothing is set in stone, you will never know how you are going to feel. Anything can happen, but you will know exactly what you are doing when it does. The time you spend on your own, completely freeing your mind from any and all obligations you are not sure you signed up for will mean that you are ready for the next steps – whatever they may be.

This realisation can be daunting, especially the idea of facing the unknown. This is all I know, how will I cope without it?

Remember who you are and all the amazing things that make you. Look at your support system, you have network of people looking out for you. Look at those dreams your wrote down on a little piece of paper a long time ago. Have you achieved any and if so have you properly celebrated? Have you given it any thought, you are achieving and checking things off your internal checklist!

Most importantly be your own hero. You can go on someone else’s journey with them but you can’t change it. Their journey is theirs, and yours is yours. Focus on yours because if you don’t nobody else will. With time you’ll come to understand whether or not your paths align. In the meantime focus on swooping and saving your day! 

This has been the hardest and most personal post I’ve ever written. My goal never is to offend, but to write the hard truths I’ve been avoiding out in black and white. I know now more than ever who am I but I’m not sure if that is who I’ve become. I know that I’m proud of myself for finally succumbing to this realisation. I’m also immensely proud of Stay Bliss. This blog continues to help me through so much and hope is helping someone else out there also.

Happy 3rd birthday Stay Bliss! ❤

2 0 1 9 baby!

In 2018 I learnt to believe in the power of trusting the journey. Life gets so hard and confusing sometimes. At many points of the year I felt stuck. Trapped in a job I didn’t like, confined to a living situation I wasn’t suited to, stuck accepting things in my personal relationships that I just didn’t want. Trusting the journey is understanding that everything happens for a reason, your next steps might take you to an unfamiliar place. I knew exactly what things needed to change and tried desperately hard to change it. To no avail it felt like at times. Just keep trusting.

I am doing everything I can, at some point things have to break my way.

Things did.

I am starting 2019 off on an incredible note. I am living in a beautiful house with a group of my closest friends. I have a job that I love, I have finally broken into the communications sector! My relationship is also on the right track. In 2018 I found peace of mind. I had to come to the uncomfortable realisation that I was not in control. My friend sat my down to tell me she had noticed that I wasn’t being myself. I was struggling alone, fighting my battles solo. When you don’t ask for help it becomes you normally convince yourself that you are okay. I’m handling it, I have it all under control. I had to be told that I was in fact doing the opposite – completely shutting down and putting a wall up. This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. I was down and cut people out for a number of days. However, stepping out of denial was the best thing I could have done. When you are aware that there is a problem you can begin searching for a solution. My solution was to vocalise. Say exactly how I was feeling to the people who needed to hear it the most. Spare no detail, spare no feelings – this was about my sanity and my peace of mind. I had the best night’s sleep once I did this. I know what I want now more than ever. I know what energy I will allow into my life and I am will do anything to keep this peace.

In 2018 I made a plan. I was very sure of the path I wanted to take career wise and I made sure I did. There were many twists and turns along the way, I could have taken a wrong turn multiple times, but I stayed focus. I faced a lot of rejection, some hit me harder than others, but I carried on. It is now 2019 and I am beginning to see the fruits of my labour. The wait and the struggle has all been worth it. Planning has helped me because there is now one notch I can cross of my list.

In 2018 I was inspired. I have been lucky enough to always find myself surrounded by powerful women who know exactly what they want from life. Throughout my biggest wobbles, I forever had strong woman beside me telling me to snap out of it. They would tell me that everything is going to work out great because they see me. They see how hard I am working and how much I wanted things to change. They also weren’t afraid to tell me off when I needed it.
“If you turn up to work late and don’t put in effort how do you expect anyone to take you seriously?!” I have watched women with a lot of determination and ambition for themselves setup amazing careers, projects and relationships. Seeing what they have done made me even more sure of what was possible. Observing these inspirational women pursue their goals made me want to do the same.

In 2019 I want to find some more inner strength. Certain aspects of my life is still a struggle. I want to find the inner strength and courage to truly follow my heart and always do what’s best for me. I know longer want to sacrifice my happiness for others. This will be the year that I really put myself first.

In 2019 I will strive ahead with my plan. It has got me this far but there is so much more I want to accomplish this year. I have a detailed timeline I’ve what I want to happen and when (in my head, maybe I should write it down) and I’m determined to make it happen.

In 2019 I want to make time for people. I’m not the best at making time for my family, often putting my needs before there’s. This year I want to make a real effort to take some quality time out of life to spend with them. My friends, family and boyfriend are my home.

In 2019 I will blog a lot more often! Stay Bliss means a lot to me and I have abandoned it lately. This year I want to post at least once a month. I find myself waiting for ques and ideas before I write. I would like to be able to start writing and see where it takes me!

Overall 2018 has been fantastic! I had some lows and some great highs. I am excited to see what happens in 2019 and I cannot wait to share my experience with you 🙂

Happy new year!

Stay Bliss,
Laura

Day 30 – The Penultimate Post

Day 30 of the 31 day challenge

SMILE – You deserve it!

So here I am on the second to last day of this 31 day blogging challenge.

This has been extremely difficult, different and a test of my ability. When I started I wanted to know if I could write everyday. And not only that, can I relate what I write to staying positive and bliss. Some days, especially lately I have wavered. I have thought there was absolutely no way I would be able to finish this. It has been time-consuming, physically and emotionally draining.

My biggest worry about creating and maintaining a blog was staying consistent. I was firm believer in not writing until I had something worthwhile to say. Sometimes I would have a solid month full of inspiration and topics I wished to discuss. Other times I just flat out refused to write. I didn’t want to write about a situation I was facing that was yet to come to its natural conclusion. I was in the midst of storm because and at that point everything I thought and said would be negative. So I held on until I had that moment of clarity. That ‘ahh ok, that’s how I will look at it’ moment.

This mindset I had been stuck has changed over this 31 day period. I realised this fully on ‘Day 22 & 23 – Dear Teenage me.” 

I reached into my psyche and really got honest with myself. I had no idea where that post was going when I started. I consciously had no idea that I even felt that way. It sounds so cliché but it literally came out on the post. My fingers typed what my mind wasn’t prepared to think about. It was from this moment I realised inspiration can come from anywhere. The world and your life doesn’t just hand you the next topic. Sometimes you have to inspire yourself.

I have been lucky enough to have so many inspirational people in my life. People who have fought their own unique battles. People with life experiences, relationship experiences, spiritual insight, the artistically minded and people who share my struggle. I was able to sit up with open ears and open mind to the tips, tricks and insights they have discovered on their journey and find ways to apply it to myself.

The biggest thing I have learnt though, is sometimes I have the answers. Sometimes I am the key, I can be the hero I have always looked and longed for. Day 24 taught me this – for the first time in a long time I wasn’t being completely self-critical. I addressed my flaws, my lessons and my triumphs. I let myself be proud because I have come a very long way from being that odd little girl I used to be.

So if there are any readers out there, I implore you to give yourself a break. You can flourish in so many different ways, not just by giving yourself a hard time. Let your mind take you somewhere you decided is off-limits. You are stronger than you let yourself believe and I promise you can handle it. In all those mistakes you made, the hiccups you have run into, there is a lesson to be learned. If you want to blog then blog! It as an amazing way to sort through your issues and you can visually see your journey from one train of thought to the next. The best way to start is to start!

Trust the journey you are on, keep your head up, keep working hard . Remember things are always difficult before they are easy. When it does become easy smile, you deserve it.

Until day 31, the final day

Stay Bliss, Laura

sm
Yay 1 more day to go!

Day 22 & 23 – Dear teenage me

Day 22 & 23 of 31 day blogging challenge

Dear Teenage Laura

Dear Laura,

You had the right idea when you were young. You wanted to stay true to yourself, you just hoped that the real you was super cool. The way you went about being you was by trying to be different. You purposely would swim against the current and strategically insert yourself into a friendship group that best reflected who you wanted to become. You thought a lot. Maybe a lot more than other kids. How can I be seen as beautiful? How can I be seen as popular? How can I get all the boys to notice me?

After a while you figured this incredibly vain fantasy wasn’t going to happen for you at school. So you recalculated. You figured I may not be the head girl but I can become the girl who everyone knows. So that’s what you did. You were a part of everybody’s friendship group and loved having the opportunity in many conversations to say ‘oh yeah I know him, he’s a friend of mine.’ This was your way to be cool. This was how you would stay relevant. You never looked deep into yourself and asked why are you like this? In fact this is the first time you are letting yourself acknowledge this at all.

So why? And when did you grow out of this incredibly mysterious and strategic behaviour. Because it just didn’t matter. You realised as many friends that you have, you only had a few true friends. Ironically most of which you met during the first couple years at school. You began to understood that people saw you the way they wanted to and all the strategy in the world wouldn’t change that. On the last day of year 11 when you went around signing each others shirts the crashing realisation that you were never going to win this popularity race was finally known to you. Your shirt and your book was bare, signatures of only the closest friends who were there from the get go. You weren’t even invited to the race let alone in it.

That was okay, you had some of the best years of your life in secondary. You left armed with only a few friends who you knew were going to be in your life forever. You realised that your social life is supposed to be carefree. You now strategise your next steps at work. You know where you want to be when your 30 and you have the detailed plan as to how you going to get there.

Above all you are now 100% yourself, all the time. You realised you don’t need to try to be different. Just be who you are. That’s what you do. I don’t blame you for any of your short comings you had when you were a teenager. You were incredibly insecure, you hadn’t realised the need for self-love and positivity. I thank you for the lesson I’ve learnt. I thank you for your inquisitive nature, rebellious spirit and finding people who are now my family. You were fearless but careful. You couldn’t be pushed into doing anything you didn’t want to do. Whenever you were asked that question that sends shivers down my spine now – ‘what do you want to be when your older?’ , you’d smile and say ‘I just want to do something that I love, whilst wearing some nice shoes.’

That’s still the dream. I will one day save up enough to get my own flat and Loubitons  and toast to accomplishing little Laura’s dreams.

You still have a few insecurities, nobody is perfect right. You are working on it. Your motto now is trust the journey. You believe in yourself now as much as you believed you could be a lead singer of a rock band, which you were! As I said – fearless, you’d never do that now!

You sometimes used to let your insecurity and thirst for beauty and popularity guide you. You dropped this and just began believing in yourself. You made some life time friends and are equipped with a Mary Poppins style bag full of lesson you learnt.

I am proud of who you were and hope you would be proud of who I am.

me teen
How cool was I?

 

 

Stay Bliss, Laura