Yesterday’s Sangria

My search for clarity has taken me to lots of confusing places. This break-up for one thing is the most confusing of them all. I am confused because for the first time ever, I feel emotionless. I understand that there is a lot going on in my mind and I know that I am feeling so much but at the same time I can’t pinpoint any of it. It seems as if I am simultaneously feeling everything and nothing. How can I assess what I do not understand? How do I move forward if I don’t know where I am?

I am going to try and break down what I’m feeling…

I know this is the right thing, and our relationship was going this way for a long time. Having a great support system is important, however some journeys need to be taken alone. You are the only one who can get yourself from point A to B. It’s on you. This is the biggest thing I have taken from my relationship and breakup. Life is not a fairy-tale, it’s not sunshine and rainbows 24/7. It is really hard sometimes; I still can’t understand why the very best people seem to be dealt the worst cards. But I’ve learnt that you can save yourself if you really want to. I’ve searched far and wide for my hero. The person who was going to save me, support me, motivate me and push me. Then I realised that it doesn’t matter, because even I find someone who is willing to do all of this for me, it will always be down to me in the end. I determine how hard I work, how much I save, the risks I take. I determine my own future, and I decide where I am going.
And most importantly, it’s not up to me to be that person for someone. Years of trying to be the motivation for another person has left me disappointed. Disappointed that I couldn’t be the hero, the salvation. But now I understand that even if I was to see all the change and the motivation that I was vying for, it would have been nothing to do with me.
You are your own hero.

I feel empty, like there is big hole in my life. We were so together that now it feels like something is missing. I got used to a certain way of living and now I find myself having to readjust. I am learning to navigate through life solo again and it is a strange feeling. It is funny how quickly we form new habits and how hard it is to break them. The feeling of emptiness comes more from the fact that I think I found my person and can’t see anybody else wanting me or anybody fitting with me as well. Are genuinely kind people relatively easy to find? Because in the whole of my search, I’ve only found one – I am only 26 though…

I feel excited by the prospect of not knowing. I have no idea where my life is going to take me and as scary as that it, it’s also exciting. There is nothing holding me back other than myself. I can focus entirely on myself and keep striding to get myself to a position where I am comfortable and confident. I can continue saving up a for a flat of my own, I can take my dream trip (to Senegal, it’s almost booked!), I can start learning to drive, I can apply for jobs abroad, I can make new friends – the possibilities are endless. These are a only a few of the things I want to accomplish, being on my own means I can go for anything.

I have experienced a loving relationship and for that I am grateful. No matter the issues we had, I always felt loved, valued and respected which is important. It has set the bar high for future relationships because I know now more than ever that I am a queen and deserved to be treated like one. I am not going through life relationship blind anymore; I know what I expect from a partner because I know what I am bringing to the table. I have learnt that depending on the relationship, I have potential to be an amazing girlfriend. I have discovered sides of myself that are completely new to me. I am a sociable girl who likes a party every now and then, but I am way more of a home-body than I thought. My idea of a date night is staying in with a home cooked meal, a bottle of white wine and a good film or binge worthy series. I have found that I am very much a nurturer who will always go out of my way in my relationship. I have also found that if left to my own devices that I can be quite lazy and will always opt for the easiest option!

So how do you get over a breakup?


Give yourself time – dramatic life changes can often leave us feeling confused and unsure of ourselves. You don’t need to immediately have everything figured out, there is no rush. Carrying on living your life the best way you can and eventually the answers will come to you. Situations such as this have a habit of unpacking themselves when you leave them alone for a little while.
Be grateful for what you had – Although it didn’t work out, I got the opportunity to really get to know the most wonderful human being. (Obviously this depends on what you had. If you come out of a bad relationship where you weren’t being treated right, be grateful that you made it out of it)
Have a support system – I often talk about the sisterhood, a group of amazing women that I am lucky enough to call friends. I know that I can call on any of them at any time if I need talk.
Limit contact – this is the one I’ve been struggling with because I am so used talking to the same person almost every day. Depending on the circumstances sometimes a clean break is necessary, however if the breakup was amicable, I don’t think you need to completely cut each other off. It still okay to chat from time to time but be honest with yourself. If it hurts too much to stay in contact or you find yourself falling back into a relationship pattern – a clean break may be what you need.
Be single! – Do things that you couldn’t or just didn’t do with your ex. Go place they wouldn’t, eat things they hated. It solidifies the fact that you’re on your own living life strictly by your own terms. Reconnect with friends, I found there were a few friendships that I wasn’t paying enough attention to. Or just areas of my life that I neglected slightly – now is the time to make it right.
Date again – only when you’re ready, there is absolutely no rush! Give yourself time to heal and get to know yourself again before you delve into the dating world. Remember that dating doesn’t always have to be serious, sometimes it can be just about having fun and meeting new people.

Breakups are one of the toughest emotional experiences to go through. There is no right way to deal with it, and there is no telling how long the heartbreak will last. Like everything else in life, it will pass. I repeat what I said on day one of this Stay Bliss journey…

“Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise again.”

Stay Bliss, Laura
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The Search For Clarity

Stay Bliss turns 3 today and I couldn’t be happier! I have had the most amazing time writing this blog and it is shocking how far I have come since my first post.

My life has changed so much for the better and I believe part of the reason for that is this blog. Being able to write down everything I’m feeling, the good, the bad and the ugly – has been the most therapeutic thing I have ever done. I really do encourage you to find a creative outlet because it helps you work through most things.

For the last few weeks my mind has focused on one topic… when is enough enough?

Even the strongest person who knows to their core who they are, can get caught up in someone else’s life. When you love with all your heart, you take on the triumphs and stresses of another person. Then you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by problems that with hindsight are not really your problem. The selfish part of me, becomes obsessed with being the hero in this story, I so badly want to swoop in and save the day.

So, when is enough enough?

The first thing I need to do is take a big step back. Being overwhelmed with someone’s else stress is comparable to being blasted with blaring music 24/7. It exhausts you, you become so tired and sleep is not making the music stop or go away. You need to step away from the music, close your eyes and rest. Clarity is the best thing for these situations, and taking a step back enables you to make decisions a lot more logically as you are now able to see everything for what it is.

The next thing is to get honest with yourself. Remember who you are, what you stand for and what you need. Is what you currently have making you happy? Are you being supported and constructively challenged? Is this still your happy place? Hopefully with time and clarity these questions become easier to answer. However answering honestly may not produce the answers you desire.

Now you have gathered all this information. Now you have taken a step back and are well rested, weightless. What are your next steps?

This is where my mind draws blank. I need the time away to be able to know this. Nothing is set in stone, you will never know how you are going to feel. Anything can happen, but you will know exactly what you are doing when it does. The time you spend on your own, completely freeing your mind from any and all obligations you are not sure you signed up for will mean that you are ready for the next steps – whatever they may be.

This realisation can be daunting, especially the idea of facing the unknown. This is all I know, how will I cope without it?

Remember who you are and all the amazing things that make you. Look at your support system, you have network of people looking out for you. Look at those dreams your wrote down on a little piece of paper a long time ago. Have you achieved any and if so have you properly celebrated? Have you given it any thought, you are achieving and checking things off your internal checklist!

Most importantly be your own hero. You can go on someone else’s journey with them but you can’t change it. Their journey is theirs, and yours is yours. Focus on yours because if you don’t nobody else will. With time you’ll come to understand whether or not your paths align. In the meantime focus on swooping and saving your day! 

This has been the hardest and most personal post I’ve ever written. My goal never is to offend, but to write the hard truths I’ve been avoiding out in black and white. I know now more than ever who am I but I’m not sure if that is who I’ve become. I know that I’m proud of myself for finally succumbing to this realisation. I’m also immensely proud of Stay Bliss. This blog continues to help me through so much and hope is helping someone else out there also.

Happy 3rd birthday Stay Bliss! ❤

Perspectives on a Birthday II

Wow! Happy birthday everyone! I can’t believe I’ve been doing this blogging thing for a whole 2 years now, time flies. I’ve loved every moment, especially being able to look back on the thoughts and words from 2016/17!

The thing I love most about blogging is having the courage to say things I don’t let myself say. I love my new found ability to be self-critical as well as self-championing. What I haven’t loved as much, is being bullied out of expressing certain things. Being bullied by myself of course – we are the meanest to ourselves sometimes.

I am going to attempt to be honest on this post. Perhaps more honest than I’ve ever been. So here goes.

I try and look at life through rose tinted glasses, and attempt to make things seem better than they actually may be. I am not going through any massive upheavals in my life, and no dramatic troubles. Things are great, but they could be better. This is pretty much always going to be the case though right? There’s no such thing as a perfect life.

I had quite a steady and stable childhood. I am fortunate where others are not. I have two wonderful parents who gave me a life where I had everything I needed. It has made me almost naive to the tough childhood others faced. My family were able to make everything better. So that’s the mentality I grew up with – to every problem, there is a solution. It is up to you to go out of your way to find it.

I know some very special people, some since childhood and some I’ve spent the last few months getting to know. Life wasn’t like this for them. Solving their troubles were not as easy. They have never known of life this way.

What to do when two people from the opposite sides of this scope become united? I know lots of relationships and friendships like this; it’ll be interesting to find out their thoughts.

Without even meaning to this post has turned into a story of perspectives. I shall name this perspectives on a birthday 2 🙂

Patience is definitely a virtue and I need a lot more practice. I can’t help but get frustrated when I see that nothing is being done. Nothing to solve problems which show no promise of slowing down. ‘Just do something’ I say to myself. I then in turn frustrate myself. It’s so easy for me to say, I have never had to deal with a fraction of these kinds of problems.

So what do we do now? What is the solution? Are your lives so different that this is just a cycle you’re forced to go around? Are we at a stale mate? Is it a put up or shut up situation? Or is it just a shut up Laura kind of deal?

I’ve always believed in time being a healer. No matter what anyone has been through or going through, you don’t have to be a victim to your problems. Patience is the key. If someone has had a difficult life, they cannot be expected to change everything around in a day. It takes a lifetime to heal old wounds, especially if the hurt has come from someone close to you. Encouragement over pressure.

There is a selfish part of me all that wants to be the hero. I want to be able to walk up to any situation and fix it. If only I could click my fingers and make everything all better.

The first thing I realised is to put more emphasis on effort. Putting in any kind of work or effort into sorting out your life and problems is worth celebrating. When I constantly think about my problems they grow about 100 times bigger in my head. Then the idea of there being a time where this problem will no longer exist is unfathomable. Deciding to take those very first steps in solving them is very difficult to do and that in itself is an achievement. Everything has to start in order to end, therefore the start should never been downplayed.

The second thing I realised is that it is not always about the things that separate you from each other. Whether it’d be your childhood, backgrounds, class, financial standings… there are some many details that make us from different each other. Why not think of the things that connects us? Do we have the same values, ethics, morals, sense of humour, likes & dislikes?
When we get out of heads and stop thinking of reason why our lives and relationships are doomed, tremendous steps can be made.  When we start to live in the moment and enjoy each other’s company things tend to progress organically.

And thirdly it’s okay to think with your heart. For the first time in my life my decisions and actions have been motivated by emotion. Complete emotion, no logic or ration. I always thought being smart and thinking every step through was the way forward and in some ways it still is. However being in love means that all reason can easily get thrown out of the window. After all the heart wants what the heart wants! Is this is bad thing? That depends on who or what has your heart. Being bold and quitting a job that you don’t enjoy even though your head is telling you something different. Leaving your safe and secure nest even and moving into something risky and exciting. These are examples of doing what the heart tells you to do. There are of course many safe and risk free alternatives you could seek, but going based off of emotion can sometimes be the right thing for you to do.

Belief is essential. Do not be part of something you have decided is doomed to fail. It won’t fail because you believe it won’t. It is okay to be scared. Fear is not always a bad thing. However making decisions based on fear is never a good thing.  I have a habit of second guessing everything when things are good. So let’s revisit the questions that were plaguing my mind just a few weeks ago.

So what do we do now? You assess the situation. Are you deeply unhappy? If so some difficult decisions need to be made. Happiness is an inside job and my first focus is my happiness. I know in myself that I’m happiest when I’m with the people I love and I’m still chasing my dreams. What is the solution? Are your lives so different that this is just a cycle you’re forced to go around? There is no easy to fix to all your problems however you don’t need to condemn your life to a forever revolving cycle. Give yourself time to fix your problems. Set achievable goals. ‘I want to apply for at least 10 jobs in the next 2 months’ ‘I want to save up £1000 by September’ ‘I want to pay £500 towards my debt by the end of the year.’ This way you will be able to clearly see that you are not going in cycles. However slowly you’re moving forward – you are MOVING FORWARD. Are we at a stale mate? Is it a put up or shut up situation? Or is it just a shut up Laura kind of deal? Don’t ever tell yourself to shut up or talk yourself into remaining quiet. Your thoughts and feelings are valid because they are yours. Communicating and expressing myself is the best way for me to sort through my thoughts. It makes it easier for me to figure out what my next move is. I am going to put up – I won’t let any of my problems win or convince myself that this it, this is how it will be forever. My future is mine and I say what goes and I say how it goes. Nothing is so big that it has to take over my life, and nothing is big enough to deter me from my plans. Everything in my world can or will be fixed, one way or another!

This has been an interesting post which has taken me a few weeks to write. I started off on one wavelength and am ending on another. This relates to the importance of time. Taking the time to properly asses how you feel. I recognise that the first time I really face my issues, I see it all as doom and gloom. Then I be sure to take the time to sit and think about it. Talking to my friends and family can really help and I begin to see things more positively. Take the pressure off yourself and recognise that not everything will be fixed right away. Give yourself time to process, and let yourself forget about your problems for a while. Organise a girls (or friends) night and talk to them about everything else. The pieces will eventually come together and the path you need to take will become clear. Until that happens – keep being positive, keep creating, keep searching, it will happen for you.

I’m only 25 but sometimes I feel so old. I feel like my life now is the way my life will be forever. Wrong. I am young woman that is forever adapting and evolving. It does me well to remind myself of this from time to time. I am walking into my second year of blogging on a positive note. My family, friends and boyfriend are the best people I can have around me right now. Even though I don’t always think so – I am in a very good place. Things can only get bigger and better, and for when I find myself in those tough times – I always have staybliss.

Happy birthday peeps 🙂

Stay Bliss, Laura

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Photo Credit – Alisha Dandy http://instagram.com/alishadandy

 

 

Day 30 – The Penultimate Post

Day 30 of the 31 day challenge

SMILE – You deserve it!

So here I am on the second to last day of this 31 day blogging challenge.

This has been extremely difficult, different and a test of my ability. When I started I wanted to know if I could write everyday. And not only that, can I relate what I write to staying positive and bliss. Some days, especially lately I have wavered. I have thought there was absolutely no way I would be able to finish this. It has been time-consuming, physically and emotionally draining.

My biggest worry about creating and maintaining a blog was staying consistent. I was firm believer in not writing until I had something worthwhile to say. Sometimes I would have a solid month full of inspiration and topics I wished to discuss. Other times I just flat out refused to write. I didn’t want to write about a situation I was facing that was yet to come to its natural conclusion. I was in the midst of storm because and at that point everything I thought and said would be negative. So I held on until I had that moment of clarity. That ‘ahh ok, that’s how I will look at it’ moment.

This mindset I had been stuck has changed over this 31 day period. I realised this fully on ‘Day 22 & 23 – Dear Teenage me.” 

I reached into my psyche and really got honest with myself. I had no idea where that post was going when I started. I consciously had no idea that I even felt that way. It sounds so cliché but it literally came out on the post. My fingers typed what my mind wasn’t prepared to think about. It was from this moment I realised inspiration can come from anywhere. The world and your life doesn’t just hand you the next topic. Sometimes you have to inspire yourself.

I have been lucky enough to have so many inspirational people in my life. People who have fought their own unique battles. People with life experiences, relationship experiences, spiritual insight, the artistically minded and people who share my struggle. I was able to sit up with open ears and open mind to the tips, tricks and insights they have discovered on their journey and find ways to apply it to myself.

The biggest thing I have learnt though, is sometimes I have the answers. Sometimes I am the key, I can be the hero I have always looked and longed for. Day 24 taught me this – for the first time in a long time I wasn’t being completely self-critical. I addressed my flaws, my lessons and my triumphs. I let myself be proud because I have come a very long way from being that odd little girl I used to be.

So if there are any readers out there, I implore you to give yourself a break. You can flourish in so many different ways, not just by giving yourself a hard time. Let your mind take you somewhere you decided is off-limits. You are stronger than you let yourself believe and I promise you can handle it. In all those mistakes you made, the hiccups you have run into, there is a lesson to be learned. If you want to blog then blog! It as an amazing way to sort through your issues and you can visually see your journey from one train of thought to the next. The best way to start is to start!

Trust the journey you are on, keep your head up, keep working hard . Remember things are always difficult before they are easy. When it does become easy smile, you deserve it.

Until day 31, the final day

Stay Bliss, Laura

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Yay 1 more day to go!

Day 12 – My Bucket List

Day 12 of 31 day blogging challenge

Share your bucket list

Honesty can be a difficult policy when it comes to getting real and sharing what you actually want from life. If you never share then no one will know if you fail. You will know though and will always wonder if the problem was that you didn’t believe in yourself. Maybe if you shared your dreams somebody out there could relate. Somebody out there could help you, the same way you could help with certain things. Somebody might quit thinking that there dreams are stupid if they hear yours are similar. So this is my bucket list / things I want to achieve. In no particular order of course…

1) Start a Stay Bliss YouTube channel

This has been on my mind for the longest time but the thought of starting my own channel terrifies me. I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a YouTuber! For one thing I have no idea how to edit videos. I know with a bit of self-belief, some classes and a lot of organisation I can do this. However for now I am very happy with blogging 🙂 I’m still working out how to use wordpress…

2) Get a tattoo

I want a ying yang tattoo somewhere on my body…

3) Travel to and around Indonesia

I have always wanted to visit Bali and want to take an eating trip around Malaysia. Their cuisine looks seriously tasty.

4) Run a Stay Bliss conference

Yes it is what it sounds like. I would like to run a 2-3 day Stay Bliss conference. A place where we can all get together and encourage each other. I’d get motivational speakers, mediation experts, beauty gurus, love experts, financial advisers to come and chat to everyone. The whole thing would be completely geared around helping people live the best most positive life they can. As you can see I’ve put a lot of thought into this. I’m just in need of money, a lot of money.

5) Get my own place

If you read my blog prior to the challenge you know that for me moving out of my parents house is the next big move for me. Right now I’m looking for a house-share. Getting my own place is something I’d like to do when I have enough money to rent on my own.

6) Work in a fun start-up company

Hover boards, scooters, rum cocktails etc working at a startup company sounds like so much fun!

7) Start again somewhere like San Francisco or Seattle

They look like really pretty, carefree places to live – that speak English.

8) Find actual real love

I guess this would be nice

9) Publish a book

Something I would definitely love to do but still thinking about. A completely fictional novel about the England gangland perhaps?

10) Get a degree

I never completed university and this has always bugged me. I would love to go back one day and get a degree in English Literature.

So that’s all I can think of for right now. It feels really great to share. Now that I have it all in writing on a public forum like this it will be all the more easier to focus and achieve. I’ll be sure to keep you updated, who knows you may get an announcement about a YouTube channel or a conference soon! In the mean time I encourage you to think about your own bucket list. Write them down so you can fully enjoy the feeling of slowly checking them off.

Stay Bliss, Laura

 

 

Day 7 – Earliest Memories

Day 7 of 31 day blogging challenge

What is your earliest memory?

Eeek! Every since my first read through of these challenges I’ve been trying to recollect my first solid memory. Maybe this is too hard?

Since the day I was born my mother has always worked as PA / secretary in big swanky offices in London. This meant it was so much easier for her to send me to a nursery around her workplace so she could drop me off and pick me up on her way to and from work. I ended going to this wonderful nursery called St ‘insert name here’ in Waterloo. So I have totally forgotten what it was called but I remember my journey there with my mum and the warm feeling I had once being there.

There is so many images that come to mind when I think of being a carefree toddler in what felt like the most amazing place in the world. I remember making chocolate krispy treats with all my little friends, and singing my favourite tunes at circle time. I remember sharing a blanket with my best friend at nap time. I remember being so full of energy once waking up and ready to start all over again with my buddies.

It’s a shame that I don’t remember who they are anymore but I hope they look back on the memories as fondly as I do.

I initially started writing about my nursery times because of one key memory. All the other memories came flowing out. The memory is off the pastry shop down the road where my mum used to take me when I was good. Or when she was hungry. The smell of the freshly baked bread and cakes always invited me in. The colour of the different pastries and cake toppings completely engrossed me. There were multicoloured sprinkle topped cupcakes, the biggest most sugary fresh doughnuts, coconut and jam layered sponge-cakes and so much more. My mum used to lift me up on to one of the high tables so I could see the pastry masters at work. It was so busy, I think everybody in the city used to love that place. My absolute favourite used to be the iced finger buns. They were so sweet and buttery and were iced in lots of different colours. Whenever I am in the area I have a look for my favourite pastry shop. I believe the last time I had a look it had been shut down but I can’t be sure of that.

It is so funny how we archive memories such as these. It has been an amazing experience re-living this memory. I think about the lovely friends I made, the nursery workers who looked after me so well, the chefs who fed me the most delicious iced buns as my first delve into a blissful existence. I know there is no way I can be absolutely care-free as an adult. I have certain responsibilities now. However I can remember how it felt to live in a world full of positivity, light and freshly baked pastry.

I can aspire to feel that feeling again.

Stay Bliss, Laura

 

Day 5 & 6 – The BEST advice I have ever received

Day 5 and 6 of blogging challenge

What is the best advice you have received?

So due to the nature of day 5 and 6’s challenges I decided to mesh them into one post. Also something I discovered that I really need to work on, is making time to write on the weekend. When I have spare time at work, writing a post comes very naturally for me. However when it comes to the weekend I’d rather lay in bed nursing a hangover and catching up on Nashville then dedicate time to my much-loved blog. This week I am ready for day 11 and 12! I won’t let my blog or this challenge suffer because I’m procrastinating, I shall be super prepared 🙂

So on with the challenge..

Wow this is a very difficult question, especially as I am young woman trying to figure out how to live my life. I get advice from my elders, my friends and my colleagues on a daily basis as I recognise that I do need constant reassurance that I’m doing okay. Sometimes I know what the best decision is or I know that I’m on the right track but I need to hear someone else say it to me! With all this being said, I believe the best piece advice I’ve received is also the first advice I have a recollection of. Know your self-worth.

My life completely changed the moment I started to value myself. With all the growth and the self-improvement I have been doing lately it can all be traced back to the moment I began to value myself. Everyday I tell myself that I am important, beautiful and a good person. I tell myself that I can do whatever my mind can conceive if I work hard.

Okay this all sounds very cliché and cheesy, and our brains try to block out those cheesy sayings you hear all to often. But as I’ve grown up and come into contact with different people the first thing you notice is how much someone values themself. How much they stand strong in their opinions and beliefs, and how little they let the opinions of others – be it their peers or the media affect the image the have of themself. You also really notice if someone self-worth is tied to another person. If someone only values themself as much as they are valued by a loved one.

Do not get me wrong, I am all about the love. Seeing a loving couple so connected to each other is a beautiful thing. Of course your partner’s opinion will be very important to you. But you notice when after a bad relationship your self-worth was shattered that your ex’s opinion was the be all and end all for you.

Valuing one’s self is a lifelong journey. Things like heartbreak and rejection play a big part in a wobble in of self-confidence and value. But with all things you keep moving forward. You keep remembering everything good about yourself, and find a shoulder to cry on when you are having a wobble. You also remember how this feel and make sure you shoulder is extended to your loved one when their self-value is on shaky grounds.

Stay Bliss, Laura