Admiration

Honestly I’m finding this challenge so difficult.

31 days of emotions sounded like a good idea at first but I have been left feeling completely uninspired. I don’t know if that is about the topic or about not having enough time to fully sit down and write. (This is on my half hour lunch break)

I mostly think I am completely knackered. Work is really hard and not very enjoyable at the moment as I have so much to do! It is weird how one little crack in your life seems to tear everything apart. The tiniest flaw is what we seem to focus on. As time goes on I’ll see if this topic is really hitting the spot.

My parents are the king and queen of carrying on. They have soldiered through some really rough times and have kept smiling and praying throughout. Sometimes I feel bad about given in so easy. I don’t tend to quit, but when I am uninterested you can definitely tell. The battle for me is powering through when I feel unmotivated. I hit my wall and decide that I can’t get over  it.

I admire my parents for teaching me this lesson. The lesson of pushing through and seeing what’s on the other side. Sometimes we convince ourself that we are stuck with what’s on the other side. The truth is this isn’t the case. In the end you’ll be proud of yourself for pushing through. If it isn’t for you, that’s just something you can check of your list. You now have an even more precise plan of how you are going to keep moving. They have taught me this lesson time and time again with all the changes they make to their lives.

My dad medaddecided to open a college once. He did that for many years until he realised his true passion wasn’t to be a principal. It was to be a lecturer. To educate young minds and to slowly make the whole world IT literate!

Not to mention the change he made to his entire life the day he decided to move to England. Just him and his best mate in a small bed sit. You would never have thought that the guy you see today, was the former barely English-speaking, luxury hotel cleaner. That’s a man who found out what his passion was over a long time of powering through.

This wasn’t going to be the message of the post but now I’m feeling all nostalgic. The person I most associate with the word admiration is my dad. Just by the small pieces of his life I was able to tell you on this post – you can see why.

Stay Bliss, Laura

There ain’t no party like a pity party

‘There ain’t no party like a pity party’

..well this pity party has come to a much-anticipated end.

This last month has been a pretty rough one and I still can not put my finger on what was actually wrong.

What I can understand from it all, is that there was so much going on at the same shitty time. My work life, personal life and body all came to ahead and I was neck-high in a sea of emotions. The best way to describe is to say that I was drowning. Drowning in my negative thoughts and drowning in my immense workload. I was 100% focused on the negative, as I was only committed to thinking about how terrible I felt and how nothing would make me ever feel better.

This got me thinking about the different practical ways we get over a bad stint. It is impossible for us to be happy 100% of the times and entirely natural to go through prolonged moments of sadness. We all develop different ways of lifting ourselves out of these stress caves. It has been super interesting hearing different people’s’ tips and tricks for how they manage these.

One of the most popular suggestions was music.

 

Music is such a brilliant escape and has the power to really make you view your current situation in a better light. Some artists are born with the immense gift of getting others to feel what they feel. They somehow get you  to connect with them speaking to your heart as well as your soul. It can transport you to a different time of your life and give you the ability to look at your life through the artist’s lens.

I know for me personally music has always been the way I escape the stresses of the day. As soon as I get home from work its hair up and headphones on. I have an hour or two where I completely let myself go through the music that reflects my mood. I have to many cringey moments where somewhere has walked in on my dancing around like a  drunk butterfly and (trying to) hit the high-notes of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs ‘Gold Lion’ – well, not very well! But I get over it because it does me a load of good and by the time I’m ready to take off my headphones I am in a much better place.

Another of the opinions I received was to have a reliable support system. I found myself in such a state that I forgot I could ask for help. I forgot that my friends and family have been there too. No two situations are the same but you truly realise how much your loved ones can relate to your struggle and that can be the key to you overcoming it. For example, my mother has worked in the NHS for 25 years. I often make the mistake of still seeing her as the authoritative figure in my life that still will tell me off for misbehaving. But as I grow into an adult our relationship has shifted slighty as she becomes more of a friend. After weeks of avoiding the subject of work for fear of being told to ‘stop misbehaving’ I finally cracked and told her everything. I told her that I was struggling with my workload and how mad at myself I was for feeling this way as this was all I ever wanted. What never occurred to me is that she’s actually the BEST person to ask anything about the NHS to. Well she of course gave me sound advice – ‘don’t worry, you’re a very new junior member of staff, you’re not accountable for any major mistakes you may make.’ After this I opened up to my girls, they also completely understood and some were struggling with their work to.

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The lesson I learnt from this is that I am not alone. There are so many people who are going similar struggles or have already been through them and have many wise words as to how they did.

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The most practical response I received was from a friend who keeps a CBT diary. From my understanding this is a form of cognitive therapy. The idea of it is to effect self-change by taking steps to change your process of thinking. You can read about it here.

It is honestly something I have never tried in this way, but I can do a great deal of help. You evaluate every situation deciding how you felt at the time and how you felt about your reaction. You can then use this as a tool for self-improvement. You can change they way you react in a similar situation the next time round and then evaluate whether the improvements made you and the outcome better.

Getting everyone’s opinions on how they pull themselves out of a bad funk was certainly insightful. Now having got through it and seeing things a bit more clearly the key thing I’ve learnt is that it’s okay to not be okay. More often than not you convince yourself that you’re being weird and dramatic and no one has time for you. When you push through this and swallow your pride and ask for help you wonder why you didn’t just do this to begin with. Realising that people not only relate to your struggle but can help you in ways they were once help is taking a proactive step to getting yourself better. In terms of your mental health the solution isn’t so simple. It becomes less about pulling yourself out of a funk and more about asking for professional help.

thinkingMy first thoughts on my very first post were ‘it’s always darkest before the dawn.’ As silly and cliché as this sounds, it is very true. I still am struggling but I am happier for taking the time to talk to people and write this as I work my way through it.

And I wish the same for you. I hope you are happy. I hope you are working through your struggles and doing everything it takes to make yourself happy. No one is above help and sometimes you can be happily surprised at the advice and support you may get.

Stay Bliss, Laura

 

Day 16 – Ma & Pa

Day 16 of 31 day blogging challenge

How are you like your ma & pa?

If I had to answer this question anytime during those awkward teenage years the anwser would be – IM NOT!
However the older  I become the more I recognise some personality traits that have come directly from them. I have picked up some other stuff from them to. For instance, I can not remember a time when I wasn’t IT literate. My dad is an IT teacher, a very good one at that and made sure I was able to use a computer from a very young age. He pushed me into starting my ECDL (European Computer Driver’s Licence) when I was 14 and I am so grateful he did. Now I am a big girl working with spreadsheets and databases which comes so naturally to me, I have him to thank for this. My mother on the other hand was always great at writing and knowing how to use the English language impeccably. I think I inherited my knack for writing from her, she helped me so much when with my English A-level.

My mum is an incredible kind, rational and subdued woman. She is not the

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Ma

confrontational type although she is very strong in her own quiet way. I learnt how to process my feelings and emotions without blowing up and I learnt that this doesn’t mean I am being a pushover. Its 100% more effective if you calmly talk about what is in your mind. Screaming, hollering and acting aggressive will not always get what you want, fear and respect are very different things. My mum is a very honest person, to the point where she won’t even let me use her oyster photo card! She prides herself on being a hardworking, honest, good woman and that she is.

 

Me and my dad have had a lot of friction in the past, I realise now it is because we are so alike. My dad is the most gracious person I have ever met. He will help anyone if he can, whether he gives you a lift, lets you stay at our house or just gets you some dinner. I am like this to, I will bend over backwards for my friends and family. He went to university quite late on his life, I remember being at his graduation. Well I remember a second of it because I was 2 or 3. He went from immigrant, to student, to a hardworking British citizen. As much as I know he wants the very best for me which means he wants me to live a life better than his, I see myself treading in his footsteps. Taking my time to figure out what I want, and then going for it! My dad can be hot-tempered at times… so can I. I’d be out with my friends and they’d take way to long deciding how to split the bill and I’d feel my temperature rise. Just tell  me what I have to pay so I can go! That’s definitely my dad coming through in me.

How could I forget! They are both great cooks, in our house we had a mix of African and Caribbean culture. Christmas was, is and always will be my favourite time of year, the time of year I eat like a queen. We have a typical English christmas roast setup with the turkey, gammon, lamb, stuffing, roast potatoes etc. But my dad’s side would chuck some jellof rice, stew, plantain and all the good stuff. My mum’s Caribbean side would throw in rice & peas, curry goat and stew chicken. It was a rave for my senses, the aromatic smells, the sight of the fluffy rice and all the colourful food – and the sweet & spicy taste of all my favourite foods. Dinner time at my house was always wonderful.

 

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Christmas dinner – well half of it 🙂

 

 

So that is me all around. Sometimes calm and rational, sometimes

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Pa

heated and passionate. Gracious, kind, with a knack for computers. These are all things I inherited from them. There is nothing like the feeling of finally being able to give back. I took my mum out for brunch for her birthday and we had a blast. I love buying my dad stuff for christmas because I have his sense of style down to a T and he always loves what I get him. So the next step for me is leaving the warm, comfy nest. Hopefully within sometime I’ll be having them round to my new digs, cooking them dinner, doing up their room all nice – that’s the dream!

 

Stay Bliss, Laura