Yesterday’s Sangria

My search for clarity has taken me to lots of confusing places. This break-up for one thing is the most confusing of them all. I am confused because for the first time ever, I feel emotionless. I understand that there is a lot going on in my mind and I know that I am feeling so much but at the same time I can’t pinpoint any of it. It seems as if I am simultaneously feeling everything and nothing. How can I assess what I do not understand? How do I move forward if I don’t know where I am?

I am going to try and break down what I’m feeling…

I know this is the right thing, and our relationship was going this way for a long time. Having a great support system is important, however some journeys need to be taken alone. You are the only one who can get yourself from point A to B. It’s on you. This is the biggest thing I have taken from my relationship and breakup. Life is not a fairy-tale, it’s not sunshine and rainbows 24/7. It is really hard sometimes; I still can’t understand why the very best people seem to be dealt the worst cards. But I’ve learnt that you can save yourself if you really want to. I’ve searched far and wide for my hero. The person who was going to save me, support me, motivate me and push me. Then I realised that it doesn’t matter, because even I find someone who is willing to do all of this for me, it will always be down to me in the end. I determine how hard I work, how much I save, the risks I take. I determine my own future, and I decide where I am going.
And most importantly, it’s not up to me to be that person for someone. Years of trying to be the motivation for another person has left me disappointed. Disappointed that I couldn’t be the hero, the salvation. But now I understand that even if I was to see all the change and the motivation that I was vying for, it would have been nothing to do with me.
You are your own hero.

I feel empty, like there is big hole in my life. We were so together that now it feels like something is missing. I got used to a certain way of living and now I find myself having to readjust. I am learning to navigate through life solo again and it is a strange feeling. It is funny how quickly we form new habits and how hard it is to break them. The feeling of emptiness comes more from the fact that I think I found my person and can’t see anybody else wanting me or anybody fitting with me as well. Are genuinely kind people relatively easy to find? Because in the whole of my search, I’ve only found one – I am only 26 though…

I feel excited by the prospect of not knowing. I have no idea where my life is going to take me and as scary as that it, it’s also exciting. There is nothing holding me back other than myself. I can focus entirely on myself and keep striding to get myself to a position where I am comfortable and confident. I can continue saving up a for a flat of my own, I can take my dream trip (to Senegal, it’s almost booked!), I can start learning to drive, I can apply for jobs abroad, I can make new friends – the possibilities are endless. These are a only a few of the things I want to accomplish, being on my own means I can go for anything.

I have experienced a loving relationship and for that I am grateful. No matter the issues we had, I always felt loved, valued and respected which is important. It has set the bar high for future relationships because I know now more than ever that I am a queen and deserved to be treated like one. I am not going through life relationship blind anymore; I know what I expect from a partner because I know what I am bringing to the table. I have learnt that depending on the relationship, I have potential to be an amazing girlfriend. I have discovered sides of myself that are completely new to me. I am a sociable girl who likes a party every now and then, but I am way more of a home-body than I thought. My idea of a date night is staying in with a home cooked meal, a bottle of white wine and a good film or binge worthy series. I have found that I am very much a nurturer who will always go out of my way in my relationship. I have also found that if left to my own devices that I can be quite lazy and will always opt for the easiest option!

So how do you get over a breakup?


Give yourself time – dramatic life changes can often leave us feeling confused and unsure of ourselves. You don’t need to immediately have everything figured out, there is no rush. Carrying on living your life the best way you can and eventually the answers will come to you. Situations such as this have a habit of unpacking themselves when you leave them alone for a little while.
Be grateful for what you had – Although it didn’t work out, I got the opportunity to really get to know the most wonderful human being. (Obviously this depends on what you had. If you come out of a bad relationship where you weren’t being treated right, be grateful that you made it out of it)
Have a support system – I often talk about the sisterhood, a group of amazing women that I am lucky enough to call friends. I know that I can call on any of them at any time if I need talk.
Limit contact – this is the one I’ve been struggling with because I am so used talking to the same person almost every day. Depending on the circumstances sometimes a clean break is necessary, however if the breakup was amicable, I don’t think you need to completely cut each other off. It still okay to chat from time to time but be honest with yourself. If it hurts too much to stay in contact or you find yourself falling back into a relationship pattern – a clean break may be what you need.
Be single! – Do things that you couldn’t or just didn’t do with your ex. Go place they wouldn’t, eat things they hated. It solidifies the fact that you’re on your own living life strictly by your own terms. Reconnect with friends, I found there were a few friendships that I wasn’t paying enough attention to. Or just areas of my life that I neglected slightly – now is the time to make it right.
Date again – only when you’re ready, there is absolutely no rush! Give yourself time to heal and get to know yourself again before you delve into the dating world. Remember that dating doesn’t always have to be serious, sometimes it can be just about having fun and meeting new people.

Breakups are one of the toughest emotional experiences to go through. There is no right way to deal with it, and there is no telling how long the heartbreak will last. Like everything else in life, it will pass. I repeat what I said on day one of this Stay Bliss journey…

“Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise again.”

Stay Bliss, Laura
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2 0 1 9 baby!

In 2018 I learnt to believe in the power of trusting the journey. Life gets so hard and confusing sometimes. At many points of the year I felt stuck. Trapped in a job I didn’t like, confined to a living situation I wasn’t suited to, stuck accepting things in my personal relationships that I just didn’t want. Trusting the journey is understanding that everything happens for a reason, your next steps might take you to an unfamiliar place. I knew exactly what things needed to change and tried desperately hard to change it. To no avail it felt like at times. Just keep trusting.

I am doing everything I can, at some point things have to break my way.

Things did.

I am starting 2019 off on an incredible note. I am living in a beautiful house with a group of my closest friends. I have a job that I love, I have finally broken into the communications sector! My relationship is also on the right track. In 2018 I found peace of mind. I had to come to the uncomfortable realisation that I was not in control. My friend sat my down to tell me she had noticed that I wasn’t being myself. I was struggling alone, fighting my battles solo. When you don’t ask for help it becomes you normally convince yourself that you are okay. I’m handling it, I have it all under control. I had to be told that I was in fact doing the opposite – completely shutting down and putting a wall up. This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. I was down and cut people out for a number of days. However, stepping out of denial was the best thing I could have done. When you are aware that there is a problem you can begin searching for a solution. My solution was to vocalise. Say exactly how I was feeling to the people who needed to hear it the most. Spare no detail, spare no feelings – this was about my sanity and my peace of mind. I had the best night’s sleep once I did this. I know what I want now more than ever. I know what energy I will allow into my life and I am will do anything to keep this peace.

In 2018 I made a plan. I was very sure of the path I wanted to take career wise and I made sure I did. There were many twists and turns along the way, I could have taken a wrong turn multiple times, but I stayed focus. I faced a lot of rejection, some hit me harder than others, but I carried on. It is now 2019 and I am beginning to see the fruits of my labour. The wait and the struggle has all been worth it. Planning has helped me because there is now one notch I can cross of my list.

In 2018 I was inspired. I have been lucky enough to always find myself surrounded by powerful women who know exactly what they want from life. Throughout my biggest wobbles, I forever had strong woman beside me telling me to snap out of it. They would tell me that everything is going to work out great because they see me. They see how hard I am working and how much I wanted things to change. They also weren’t afraid to tell me off when I needed it.
“If you turn up to work late and don’t put in effort how do you expect anyone to take you seriously?!” I have watched women with a lot of determination and ambition for themselves setup amazing careers, projects and relationships. Seeing what they have done made me even more sure of what was possible. Observing these inspirational women pursue their goals made me want to do the same.

In 2019 I want to find some more inner strength. Certain aspects of my life is still a struggle. I want to find the inner strength and courage to truly follow my heart and always do what’s best for me. I know longer want to sacrifice my happiness for others. This will be the year that I really put myself first.

In 2019 I will strive ahead with my plan. It has got me this far but there is so much more I want to accomplish this year. I have a detailed timeline I’ve what I want to happen and when (in my head, maybe I should write it down) and I’m determined to make it happen.

In 2019 I want to make time for people. I’m not the best at making time for my family, often putting my needs before there’s. This year I want to make a real effort to take some quality time out of life to spend with them. My friends, family and boyfriend are my home.

In 2019 I will blog a lot more often! Stay Bliss means a lot to me and I have abandoned it lately. This year I want to post at least once a month. I find myself waiting for ques and ideas before I write. I would like to be able to start writing and see where it takes me!

Overall 2018 has been fantastic! I had some lows and some great highs. I am excited to see what happens in 2019 and I cannot wait to share my experience with you 🙂

Happy new year!

Stay Bliss,
Laura

Know when to say no

Sticking to your guns can be incredibly difficult. Especially when all the signs point to something you don’t want to do. When you find yourself in a difficult situation it can be so tempting to take an unattractive way out. To settle because anything seems better than what you have got.

I recently found myself in this predicament. I am currently pursuing a career in marketing and unrelated job popped up. A job I can definitely do and am pretty much doing. A massive step up in the wrong direction. Something weird happened though. I said no and was steadfast in my decision. I had one of those hard conversations with myself.

No more.

NO

No more doing things I don’t want to do just because. How will I ever find the perfect opportunity if I’m always second guessing myself and running towards whatever is just merely available. It is time for me to get serious about my life and career and ONLY go for jobs I’m passionate about.

This was a massive step for me as I am normally plagued with confusion and self-doubt. It doesn’t help that I’m barely making ends meet, living paycheck to paycheck but I’m proud. I’m proud that I went with my gut and kept the promise I made to myself.

One lesson I’ve learnt through these posts is that things WILL change for the better, they always have. There always comes a point when you question your movement. Will I ever move forward and out this? When you feel this way rewatch the movie of your life. Identify the many times where you felt this way but you overcame. Let that encourage you to keep pushing on even when it seems hopeless.

Learning when to say no can also be applied to the rest of my life. It is important lesson that I had to learn. Not everything that glitters is gold and if you are unhappy about something you have the right to say something. You have the right to say no more.

You control your situations and you control the energy you allow to be around you. You don’t have to settle because ‘this is the best it’s going to be.’ Who says?!

Whether it’d be about your career, friendships, relationships, you get to decide what you will and won’t be a part of.relax

Pursuing your dreams is difficult especially when it seems that you are getting used to the feeling of being knocked down. Not settling is difficult because regardless of how passionate you are your responsibilities will still be there.

When I start feeling down about my life and feel as if I’ve been in the same position forever I look back at posts like these. Having a visual reminder of exactly how far I’ve come is so inspiring. I wrote my first post when I was unemployed person who stayed in her pyjamas all day.

Things have changed so much in a wonderful way. I will never be the girl who lucks into the perfect life or perfect job. That’s okay. It’s just going to take a lot of hard work and self motivation. All work that I’m a more than willing to do for myself, after all.. I’m worth it!

And 3 months after saying know and writing this post the incredible happened. I was offered a great job that puts me on the right ladder for me. I happy, proud of myself and so nervous! Re-reading this has been incredible, I knew what my gut was saying, stuck to it and it paid of in a big way. Moments like this reaffirm the faith I have in myself and the journey I am.

The mantra I live by is ‘trust the journey.’ It is long, confusing and has many highs and lows. However when you have work hard, believe in yourself and try your best to bew a good persons – good things will follow. journey

The journey is going to get good 🙂

Stay Bliss, Laura (communications assistant 😉

I will be posting everyday for a week w/c 8th october! Saty tuned 🙂

Clear skies ahead

I have known since July that I wanted to write a post dedicated to Happiness.

But how to say what I want to say? What are my thoughts on happiness? Am I even happy?

Recently my life has been full of new and exciting changes. If you have read my other post you would know that there is 3 things that I wanted. 3 things that I was convinced would bring me to happiness. A new home, a love life and a shiny new job. This perfect trio would bring me all the joy in the world. These three things would make this adulting thing actually okay and maybe even slightly enjoyable.

So why aren’t I jumping and screaming about this so-called new-found happiness? Why am I not over the moon? Why doesn’t my mood reflect all these amazing changes?img_6606

There are times where it has. I have taken a few moments throughout these past months to look at what I have achieved and actually be proud of myself. I think to myself ‘this is the feeling I want to write about.’ However this feeling doesn’t stay. A couple of days later I feel myself being climbing down and wondering what happened.

Maybe happiness doesn’t stay because we push it away. Not letting yourself just be happy and in the moment is way of self-sabotage. We are so used to having problems that we almost can’t handle not having any.

You can have everything in the world and still not be happy. Recently I have been pretty down in the dumps, which is unsurprising  for this time of month. I have been in a ‘stop the world, I want to get off’ kind of mood.

When good things happen just ACCEPT that a good thing has happened.

Life can be so tough sometimes, and at one point or another you will go through a rough patch. When going through a tough time I focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. A time that won’t be so hard. The storm finally being over and the clear skies that are now finally visible.

No more sitting idly by. And no more creating a storm where there is none.

Happiness is an inside job, something that won’t always click into place on its own. When it doesn’t you have to work at it. I have the power to do so I will create my own clear skies. See through that Laura-made tunnel.

There have been so many times when I have felt genuinely happy but fought that weird, unfamiliar, warm  feeling off.

I CAN’T BE HAPPY. THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF PROBLEM I CAN FOCUS ON.

The truth there is that things aren’t perfect. There’s a lot of challenges I need to overcome and things I have to work through. However at the moment life is good. I worked long and hard, and almost gave up several times but I got what I’ve always wanted.

Independence.

Independence can be quite lonely sometimes but this shouldn’t be confused with being unhappy. wineI am on my own now because I choose to be. I am finally self-sufficient and am enjoying taking care of myself. When I have a bad day, going back to my empty room can make me feel worse. My mind plays tricks on me and convinces me that I am unhappy because I am alone.

Focusing on the important things is what I have taken away from the experience. Figuring out what is real and what is not. When I feel lonely there are people I can call and places I can go. Rather than sit and dwell on all the things I have to be sad about, I can stand and think about all the things that I have achieved. I can work on a new plan for things I am yet to achieve.

The biggest things I have taken from this confusing sad/happy period of time is that sometimes it is up to me actively change the way I feel.

Create your own clear skies.

Stay Bliss, Laura

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Photo Credit – Alisha Dandy http://instagram.com/alishadandy

I shall be doing the October challenge where I will be posting everyday for a month! I haven’t posted in a while so I am a bit rusty which makes this even more of a fun challenge 🙂 Keep your eyes peeled!

 

Down in the Dumps

Lately I’ve been pretty down and I am having trouble pin-pointing why. I’ve been putting it down to hormones but I’m not 100% sure that this is what it is.

It may be the grass is always greener philosophy. Lately it has been my belief that my life is incomplete. It has been missing a few pieces that I will work hard on gathering and putting together. The biggest missing piece when I started this blog was my career. I was unemployed – no money or motive and this is what I needed for my life to begin. Another peice was my independence and freedom, I need my own place to live in order for my life to begin. Yet another is love, I need love in my life in order for my life to begin.

There’s a common reoccurrence here. One that may be the reason for my bad mood lately.

I seem to be always waiting for something to come and change my life. I’m hoping one of these things will remove these feelings of emptiness and loneliness. So far no luck.

I tend to force myself into facing my issue by vocalising it. Most of the time we believe we can’t place the issue because we are not ready to own up to it..

I spoke about not wanting to write a post until the issue I’m facing comes to its natural conclusion. I need to have that ‘aah this how I’m going to deal with it’ moment. Until then I wait it out. I ride the choppy waves and try my best to see the good and be the good in everything. This time I thought I would try something new.

I am by no means past these feelings and maybe it is because I am not ready to be. There is a lesson that can be taken from every situation, I believe it won’t end until you do. I am just left to ponder. Ponder what is that I am trying to grasp at. I’ve given myself a lot of different options as to what this can be down to. Is it down to me feeling not as close to family or friends? Is it down my work life not being a lot harder than I could ever imagine? Is it down to misplaced feelings of love? Or is what I originally I suspected, my monthly treat taking me on whirlwind ride through all the human emotions known to man.. better yet, woman? fake

I know for certain my family and friends don’t play any part in this. I feel as close to them now as ever did. It is true though, work is getting tough and I am not used to this amount of pressure. Progression and promotion became my two most important things when I started working for the NHS. I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen people who were vocal about where the wanted to be and put the hard work behind it and have now shot up the ladder. I’ve also seen the people who were either content or just waiting for opportunities to manifest for them – they are still where they have been for years. I guess this worries me, what kind of person am I? I would like to be the first one but am I vocal enough and does my work back this up?

Misplaced love? Could be.

I don’t think I can blame my cycle for this one. Yes my feelings intensify around this time but these are feelings that have always been there.

So there you have it. A post full of questions and doubts. I often talk about the need to be positive and see every situation in a positive light. This I still very much believe. However you need time to self-analyse. Where you don’t look at things under any kind of light. You just look at it how it is. Almost like looking at all the puzzle pieces for a while before you attempt to put it together.

I think the lesson I have gathered from my feelings at the moment is that self-reflection is important. Plastering a massive smile on your face and acting as if everything is okay is not always the solution. Admit it. I’m not okay. And that’s okay!

Happiness is an inside job and that it is! I think from now on I’m going to strip myself down and see myself without all the stuff I need that will ‘make life begin.’ My life begun 24 years ago, I am in the midst of it.

No more waiting and anticipating for what it is that will finally make me happy. I need to do that myself. Without the money, the house, the family, the friends, the partner. Me and only me.

As Ru Paul says – ‘If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you guna love somebody else?!’ Can I get an amen?down

Stay Bliss, Laura

Day 18, 19 & 20 – Figuring out this life stuff

Day 18, 19 & 20 of 31 day blogging challenge

Something you are trying to figure out?

I am now more than half way through this challenge and have a whole new respect for content writers. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but this is a lot more challenging than I anticipated. Challenging in an awesome way though, nothing is more satisfying than writing a post I am proud of.

After a particularly heavy weekend I was in no frame of mind to write, being so hung over and all. So today I will put 3 days of posts together and answer this simple question – what are somethings you are trying to figure out?

life

I am trying to figure how to be true to myself and how to be 100% authentic. Sometimes I get caught up in my own thoughts and over think the littlest things. Of late I have realised that I am my own biggest obstacle. I let people and situations dictate how I act or what I can do. As much as this can be seen as an unsettling revelation it is also a blessing in disguise. It means that if I learn to trust myself and my instincts, if I spend time trying to make myself happy and not listening to others, I will begin to get out of my own way. If you are your own biggest obstacle, with hard work and a positive mindset, you can become your biggest cheerleader.

I am trying to figure out how to have patience. There is still so much I want to accomplish, at a certain point you wonder if your head is in the clouds. Will I ever have enough money to move out of my parents house? Will I ever find love? Will I ever have the booming career I always wanted? I know I’m still young and all things take time.

‘Have patience. Everything is difficult before it is easy.’

20sI KNOW I have to trust the journey and keep doing what I’m doing. Things don’t come into existence over night, it takes what feels like years of hard work to get that pay off one day. If there’s any place you are falling short, try filling in those gaps in these quiet years. Understand that one day you will be older. The probability is that within 10 years you would have settled down. So rather than being impatient do what you can only do now.. now! Move in with friends, quit your job to go travelling, or work a ridiculous amount of hours in your current job. Now is the time to do those crazy things you may not be able to do in a few years.

I am trying to figure out how to truly believe I’m beautiful.love This is a hard one isn’t it? We know beauty is the eye of the beholder. We know beauty isn’t skin deep. We know beautiful comes in different races, and sizes. We know there needs to be more to a person then just there looks. That doesn’t stop us looking in the mirror and not being happy with what we see sometimes. That doesn’t stop us having that friend we are the slightest bit envious because they are drop dead gorgeous, or have your dream body.
For me it comes in waves. Sometimes I’d get all doled up for a party and look in the mirror and think ‘damn girl, you lookin’ fine!’ Most of the time I look in the mirror and get that uggggh feeling. I guess this is one of those things that’s a work in progress. When I catch myself being down on my appearance I stop myself. I either find a way to fix those flaws that my mind won’t let me forget or drop it. How’s me obsessing going to make me feel better?

So there is lots I’m trying to figure out. With a lot of these I suspect it’s something you figure out over time. With age and experience comes wisdom. There is lots I know now that I didn’t when I was 18. There is lots I will know when I’m 30 that I don’t know now. 

Stay Bliss, Laura

Day 10 – Old Photos

Day 10 of 31 day blogging challenge

Share old photos of yourself

I few challenges ago I spoke on the feeling of being in nursery. The pure happiness I remember from that time, the pastries I can still taste from my favourite bakery and the feeling of being a completely carefree toddler. All of this was such a long time ago that it had me thinking, was it really that great or was my mind exaggerating it? It’s easy to look back on something you don’t remember to well. When your life is far from simple at that time, it looks for a simpler time to idolize.

However in this case my mind got it completely right, nursery was awesome! Being a lil toddler was awesome! I know this because I took this challenge as a mission to find old photos of super happy nursery Laura. My mum must have packed all my childhood photos away during one of her spring cleaning days but I managed to get my hands on one! Well two but one is a Father’s Day mug.. all shall be clear.

As you can see I was totally right about the amazing feeling nursery gave me. As I said in my day 7 post, it’s okay to look back at carefree times and want that feeling for yourself now. Of course you need to understand that we will never be a toddlers again, so will never be 100% carefree. However you can look back to the mindset you had as a toddler. Remember when you lived a life for yourself. Look back to when you were in control of your happiness. Reminisce about that when it was all about you, your parents and your besties – and you were happy with that.

Happiness is an inside job, a lesson we started learning as children. Ever since refreshing the memories of Lil Laura, I’ve decided to use her as an inspiration for me now. As we get older we become fearful of being saying what we feel and doing what we say. Lil Laura has reminded me that it is okay to be the truest version of myself. It’s okay to live a life that I am happy with.

In fact it is better than okay. It’s awesome.

Stay Bliss, Laura (and Lil Laura)