Today is the final day of this blogging challenge I embarked on 31 days ago.
It has been terrific, humbling and I discovered so much about my self and my outlook. I don’t often give my childhood and teenage years much thought, so it was lovely letting myself go there on quite a few of my posts.
I have come to the understanding that you don’t need to try so hard to be yourself. I thought about nothing other than ‘adulting’ recently. How to sort out my life and take the necessary next steps that adults should. I thought it was time to take on the responsibility of a home, rent, bills and all that adulty stuff. I decided that I was going to stay in the NHS because of the progression, the work I’m doing and the steady paycheck. I’m almost 25 for Pete’s sake, time to grow up!
I’ve decided that I’m sick of this attitude, and it was making me super stressed. Giving myself a deadline as to when this new, magical adult life needs to begin was making me ill with worry. How am I trusting the journey when I am already planning out what the destination looks like. I don’t have to be afraid of taking risks and making big decisions like going travelling or volunteering or going back to university full-time. You have the ability to start again at any point of your life. Your 20’s are for not knowing and figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life.
I am still going to be smart as I realise you need money to do anything. I am still going to work hard at my apprenticeship as this is my dream job. I am going to save up for the year that I am here so I am in a solid financial position by the end. That’s it. I have no plans to stay and no plans to leave. I am going to take as it comes and not be afraid to pursue the big risks that I have been fearful of.
I leave this challenge believing that anything is possible. With a positive attitude and a smart plan, we can achieve anything.
I will be posting like normal again, but hopefully a lot more frequently and consistently!
If you have kept up with me throughout this month, or maybe just read or liked a post or two, thank you!
So here I am on the second to last day of this 31 day blogging challenge.
This has been extremely difficult, different and a test of my ability. When I started I wanted to know if I could write everyday. And not only that, can I relate what I write to staying positive and bliss. Some days, especially lately I have wavered. I have thought there was absolutely no way I would be able to finish this. It has been time-consuming, physically and emotionally draining.
My biggest worry about creating and maintaining a blog was staying consistent. I was firm believer in not writing until I had something worthwhile to say. Sometimes I would have a solid month full of inspiration and topics I wished to discuss. Other times I just flat out refused to write. I didn’t want to write about a situation I was facing that was yet to come to its natural conclusion. I was in the midst of storm because and at that point everything I thought and said would be negative. So I held on until I had that moment of clarity. That ‘ahh ok, that’s how I will look at it’ moment.
I reached into my psyche and really got honest with myself. I had no idea where that post was going when I started. I consciously had no idea that I even felt that way. It sounds so cliché but it literally came out on the post. My fingers typed what my mind wasn’t prepared to think about. It was from this moment I realised inspiration can come from anywhere. The world and your life doesn’t just hand you the next topic. Sometimes you have to inspire yourself.
I have been lucky enough to have so many inspirational people in my life. People who have fought their own unique battles. People with life experiences, relationship experiences, spiritual insight, the artistically minded and people who share my struggle. I was able to sit up with open ears and open mind to the tips, tricks and insights they have discovered on their journey and find ways to apply it to myself.
The biggest thing I have learnt though, is sometimes I have the answers. Sometimes I am the key, I can be the hero I have always looked and longed for. Day 24 taught me this – for the first time in a long time I wasn’t being completely self-critical. I addressed my flaws, my lessons and my triumphs. I let myself be proud because I have come a very long way from being that odd little girl I used to be.
So if there are any readers out there, I implore you to give yourself a break. You can flourish in so many different ways, not just by giving yourself a hard time. Let your mind take you somewhere you decided is off-limits. You are stronger than you let yourself believe and I promise you can handle it. In all those mistakes you made, the hiccups you have run into, there is a lesson to be learned. If you want to blog then blog! It as an amazing way to sort through your issues and you can visually see your journey from one train of thought to the next. The best way to start is to start!
Trust the journey you are on, keep your head up, keep working hard . Remember things are always difficult before they are easy. When it does become easy smile, you deserve it.
You had the right idea when you were young. You wanted to stay true to yourself, you just hoped that the real you was super cool. The way you went about being you was by trying to be different. You purposely would swim against the current and strategically insert yourself into a friendship group that best reflected who you wanted to become. You thought a lot. Maybe a lot more than other kids. How can I be seen as beautiful? How can I be seen as popular? How can I get all the boys to notice me?
After a while you figured this incredibly vain fantasy wasn’t going to happen for you at school. So you recalculated. You figured I may not be the head girl but I can become the girl who everyone knows. So that’s what you did. You were a part of everybody’s friendship group and loved having the opportunity in many conversations to say ‘oh yeah I know him, he’s a friend of mine.’ This was your way to be cool. This was how you would stay relevant. You never looked deep into yourself and asked why are you like this? In fact this is the first time you are letting yourself acknowledge this at all.
So why? And when did you grow out of this incredibly mysterious and strategic behaviour. Because it just didn’t matter. You realised as many friends that you have, you only had a few true friends. Ironically most of which you met during the first couple years at school. You began to understood that people saw you the way they wanted to and all the strategy in the world wouldn’t change that. On the last day of year 11 when you went around signing each others shirts the crashing realisation that you were never going to win this popularity race was finally known to you. Your shirt and your book was bare, signatures of only the closest friends who were there from the get go. You weren’t even invited to the race let alone in it.
That was okay, you had some of the best years of your life in secondary. You left armed with only a few friends who you knew were going to be in your life forever. You realised that your social life is supposed to be carefree. You now strategise your next steps at work. You know where you want to be when your 30 and you have the detailed plan as to how you going to get there.
Above all you are now 100% yourself, all the time. You realised you don’t need to try to be different. Just be who you are. That’s what you do. I don’t blame you for any of your short comings you had when you were a teenager. You were incredibly insecure, you hadn’t realised the need for self-love and positivity. I thank you for the lesson I’ve learnt. I thank you for your inquisitive nature, rebellious spirit and finding people who are now my family. You were fearless but careful. You couldn’t be pushed into doing anything you didn’t want to do. Whenever you were asked that question that sends shivers down my spine now – ‘what do you want to be when your older?’ , you’d smile and say ‘I just want to do something that I love, whilst wearing some nice shoes.’
That’s still the dream. I will one day save up enough to get my own flat and Loubitons and toast to accomplishing little Laura’s dreams.
You still have a few insecurities, nobody is perfect right. You are working on it. Your motto now is trust the journey. You believe in yourself now as much as you believed you could be a lead singer of a rock band, which you were! As I said – fearless, you’d never do that now!
You sometimes used to let your insecurity and thirst for beauty and popularity guide you. You dropped this and just began believing in yourself. You made some life time friends and are equipped with a Mary Poppins style bag full of lesson you learnt.
I am proud of who you were and hope you would be proud of who I am.
I travel solo for the first time ever in 2 days! I’m super excited and nervous about it although I’m also freaking out because I’m not prepared at all! I will definitely being writing a post about my time in Geneva, maybe I’ll even try putting together a vlog.. and make that YouTube dream into a reality?
Last summer I had the pleasure of going to Spain with a few of my girls. Getting there was horrific as we managed to miss our flight and had to travel miles away to a different airport to catch the next one. I spent money that I didn’t have (I’m literally still paying my friend back to this day) and we had a what felt like a never-ending wait for our next flight. My ankle was still really injured so the girls had to wheel me around everywhere. Oh and we had no english money so spent the day at the airport starving! It was such a nightmare.
However the hell-ish journey there was totally worth the wonderful trip that it became. Sometimes as close as we are to each other, we don’t get real-time together which is why a holiday is the best place to reconnect. We had a lush time lounging around sunbathing, drinking slushy tequila sunrises and mimosas. We had great times dancing the night away, pounding tequila’s and taking late night excursions down to the beach. We sat around gossiping, telling each other our problems and making the most magnificent meals. We shared opinions, made plans, exchanged jewelery and sang(screamed) Blu Cantrell’s greatest hits.
It was abundance of love, booze, laughter, cigarettes, food and a few tears. One day we decided to take a day trip to Morocco, which wasn’t the best day to say the least. We were put in quite uncomfortable situations that day and were thrilled to get out of there. I’m not knocking Morocco though, the place and the culture itself was quite remarkable. When you are with your friends in a foreign place, you never feel unsafe or in danger because you know what ever happens they will have your back. So as much as we were all in agreement to leave Morocco and get back to a little temporary home in Malaga, it was lovely being able to leave arm in arm with smiles on our faces.
As much as I had holiday blues when I had to come back home and face my new reality, I left Spain completey content. I left with an even deeper love for my sisters, with a new plan for that section of my life and with some amazing memories.
There’s lots of reasons to travel. When I travel with my girls it’s for the purpose of finally having a chance to all let our hair down and enjoy each others company, with no distractions!
I am now more than half way through this challenge and have a whole new respect for content writers. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but this is a lot more challenging than I anticipated. Challenging in an awesome way though, nothing is more satisfying than writing a post I am proud of.
After a particularly heavy weekend I was in no frame of mind to write, being so hung over and all. So today I will put 3 days of posts together and answer this simple question – what are somethings you are trying to figure out?
I am trying to figure how to be true to myself and how to be 100% authentic. Sometimes I get caught up in my own thoughts and over think the littlest things. Of late I have realised that I am my own biggest obstacle. I let people and situations dictate how I act or what I can do. As much as this can be seen as an unsettling revelation it is also a blessing in disguise. It means that if I learn to trust myself and my instincts, if I spend time trying to make myself happy and not listening to others, I will begin to get out of my own way. If you are your own biggest obstacle, with hard work and a positive mindset, you can become your biggest cheerleader.
I am trying to figure out how to have patience. There is still so much I want to accomplish, at a certain point you wonder if your head is in the clouds. Will I ever have enough money to move out of my parents house? Will I ever find love? Will I ever have the booming career I always wanted? I know I’m still young and all things take time.
‘Have patience. Everything is difficult before it is easy.’
I KNOW I have to trust the journey and keep doing what I’m doing. Things don’t come into existence over night, it takes what feels like years of hard work to get that pay off one day. If there’s any place you are falling short, try filling in those gaps in these quiet years. Understand that one day you will be older. The probability is that within 10 years you would have settled down. So rather than being impatient do what you can only do now.. now! Move in with friends, quit your job to go travelling, or work a ridiculous amount of hours in your current job. Now is the time to do those crazy things you may not be able to do in a few years.
I am trying to figure out how to truly believe I’m beautiful. This is a hard one isn’t it? We know beauty is the eye of the beholder. We know beauty isn’t skin deep. We know beautiful comes in different races, and sizes. We know there needs to be more to a person then just there looks. That doesn’t stop us looking in the mirror and not being happy with what we see sometimes. That doesn’t stop us having that friend we are the slightest bit envious because they are drop dead gorgeous, or have your dream body.
For me it comes in waves. Sometimes I’d get all doled up for a party and look in the mirror and think ‘damn girl, you lookin’ fine!’ Most of the time I look in the mirror and get that uggggh feeling. I guess this is one of those things that’s a work in progress. When I catch myself being down on my appearance I stop myself. I either find a way to fix those flaws that my mind won’t let me forget or drop it. How’s me obsessing going to make me feel better?
So there is lots I’m trying to figure out. With a lot of these I suspect it’s something you figure out over time. With age and experience comes wisdom. There is lots I know now that I didn’t when I was 18. There is lots I will know when I’m 30 that I don’t know now.
I work for the NHS! If you live or have ever been to the UK, you may also agree that our healthcare service is by far one of the best things about our country. What you don’t understand as a patient or a loved one of a patient, is just how much work goes into the NHS behind the scenes. There are services and departments you wouldn’t even imagine could be part of the NHS. People make the mistake of presuming the that NHS is just about doctors and nurses but the truth is in 2015-16 they added a further 1.6 million employees to the roster.
I was born with Sickle Cell Anaemia which is the second most common genetic blood disorder in the UK. This means I spend most of my life in and out of hospitals and doctor’s surgeries. I’ve spent more Christmas’s and new year’s in hospital than anyone should. However the wonderful and diligent help of all the staff meant that I didn’t let this get me down. When I did they were all there with smiles, laughs and one time a Bailey’s on ice to cheer me up! 🙂
My mother worked for the department of health for most of working life. So I was always in and out of fancy office and got to sit and watch first hand the amazing work I did. Whenever I had to skip school because I was sick my mum would take me to work with her. I’d sit on her swivel chair for hours with her label maker and was completely content. Her colleagues would stop by her office with little games, treats and tasks for me, I felt like a proper member of the department of health. When I was on holidays from school she would check me into the DOH summer school. I mingled and played with all the other NHS children while our parents were in different parts of the building working hard.
For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted an office job, an NHS office job. This would baffle people when they received this as an answer to what do you want to do with your life. However what I’ve always wanted is to feel valued. I want the work I’m doing to have a positive impact on someone’s life. The NHS is the perfect place to accomplish this. I can climb the ladder, be given more and more responsibility and have a direct impact on the patient and staff experience.
This being said the NHS is notoriously hard to get into if you are not clinical. Before joining I pretty much had little to no office experience so I wasn’t even being offered any interviews for the hundreds of jobs I applied for. Then I started looking for apprenticeships because I figured this was the best way in. At the time I just really needed work, and applied for as many random apprenticeships as I could. This went on for a good 8/9 months, I was slowly losing the plot! Then suddenly out of the blue I was offered two different apprenticeships.. both NHS and the only NHS apprenticeships I’d applied for.
However much of disaster it was it showed me that the NHS was where I was meant to be. I just had to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep onwards. I needed to find another apprenticeship within the NHS, one that worked for me. I had to set myself new goals and make sure I hit them and celebrate when I did. Week 8, that was my target, I had to make it to week 8. I had to prove to myself that I am smart and capable and I really can make something of myself.
So where do you work Laura? That was the question.
I am 4 months into an apprenticeship at one of the biggest hospitals in the UK. I am a business apprentice for one of the NHS’s many Education Centres. I support with collating the finances of the department, keeping a track of our income and expenses. I help and volunteer for as much after work activity as I can. Just yesterday I was a helper at our celebrating excellence awards, an evening where members of staff are celebrated and praised for their hard work.
I am in an incredible position at the moment, my world is my oyster. For the first time ever I have a purpose, I have a goal. The biggest lesson I’ve learnt over the past 4 months is – trust the journey.
No matter what happens, whether I’m kept on permanently or whether I start looking for a job again but with 12 months experience, I know I have worked the hardest I ever have.
If I had to answer this question anytime during those awkward teenage years the anwser would be – IM NOT!
However the older I become the more I recognise some personality traits that have come directly from them. I have picked up some other stuff from them to. For instance, I can not remember a time when I wasn’t IT literate. My dad is an IT teacher, a very good one at that and made sure I was able to use a computer from a very young age. He pushed me into starting my ECDL (European Computer Driver’s Licence) when I was 14 and I am so grateful he did. Now I am a big girl working with spreadsheets and databases which comes so naturally to me, I have him to thank for this. My mother on the other hand was always great at writing and knowing how to use the English language impeccably. I think I inherited my knack for writing from her, she helped me so much when with my English A-level.
My mum is an incredible kind, rational and subdued woman. She is not the
confrontational type although she is very strong in her own quiet way. I learnt how to process my feelings and emotions without blowing up and I learnt that this doesn’t mean I am being a pushover. Its 100% more effective if you calmly talk about what is in your mind. Screaming, hollering and acting aggressive will not always get what you want, fear and respect are very different things. My mum is a very honest person, to the point where she won’t even let me use her oyster photo card! She prides herself on being a hardworking, honest, good woman and that she is.
Me and my dad have had a lot of friction in the past, I realise now it is because we are so alike. My dad is the most gracious person I have ever met. He will help anyone if he can, whether he gives you a lift, lets you stay at our house or just gets you some dinner. I am like this to, I will bend over backwards for my friends and family. He went to university quite late on his life, I remember being at his graduation. Well I remember a second of it because I was 2 or 3. He went from immigrant, to student, to a hardworking British citizen. As much as I know he wants the very best for me which means he wants me to live a life better than his, I see myself treading in his footsteps. Taking my time to figure out what I want, and then going for it! My dad can be hot-tempered at times… so can I. I’d be out with my friends and they’d take way to long deciding how to split the bill and I’d feel my temperature rise. Just tell me what I have to pay so I can go! That’s definitely my dad coming through in me.
How could I forget! They are both great cooks, in our house we had a mix of African and Caribbean culture. Christmas was, is and always will be my favourite time of year, the time of year I eat like a queen. We have a typical English christmas roast setup with the turkey, gammon, lamb, stuffing, roast potatoes etc. But my dad’s side would chuck some jellof rice, stew, plantain and all the good stuff. My mum’s Caribbean side would throw in rice & peas, curry goat and stew chicken. It was a rave for my senses, the aromatic smells, the sight of the fluffy rice and all the colourful food – and the sweet & spicy taste of all my favourite foods. Dinner time at my house was always wonderful.
So that is me all around. Sometimes calm and rational, sometimes
heated and passionate. Gracious, kind, with a knack for computers. These are all things I inherited from them. There is nothing like the feeling of finally being able to give back. I took my mum out for brunch for her birthday and we had a blast. I love buying my dad stuff for christmas because I have his sense of style down to a T and he always loves what I get him. So the next step for me is leaving the warm, comfy nest. Hopefully within sometime I’ll be having them round to my new digs, cooking them dinner, doing up their room all nice – that’s the dream!